Rivers and Falafels

Last night I went to an opening, more about that later...

Do you know that last year I went too four funerals.
In my life I have had 4 near death experiences,
Two involved guns pointed in my face,something my mother does not know about.
Two involving cars.You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes? Such bullshit, your life doesn't flash till the next day when the situation represents itself in the storytelling form by the water cooler.Or maybe it does flash and it just didn't flash for me.
Once I went into blocky to pick up some movies. As I was standing in line with my two movies and my twizzlers a man walked in an walked right past me up to the counter pulled out a gun and asked the teenager to give him the cash.He then turned around, pointed the gun at the few of us there and told us to get to the ground. As I lay there on the ground the following went through my mind.Not at some crazy OH MY GOD speed, not like a time stopping moment where everything suddenly slows.Nope these thoughts went through my mind as if they were the most important , profound thoughts, very normal, very clear, precise, solving all life's problems type of thoughts.I lay there on the ground clutching my movies,staring up at a man who was holding a gun to us, yelling . He turned to me screamed..."Turn away bitch". I looked away and stared down at my hands ,they were still as can be, knuckles white, clutching my movies as if they were my life saving apparatus, they would be my life jacket incase of emergency. I focused on the the lettering and the words formed clearly in my eyes.Then the thought came to me like a voice from some important land.."Oh, wow, I am renting Porky's 2, I will die renting Porky 2, not even Porky's 1.But 2, I am an asshole" So you see images of my life didn't pass before my eyes, thoughts of police recovering my bloody shot up body,clutching for dear life a copy of Porky's 2..Knocking on the door of my family to inform them. Only to have my family ask, "what was she doing at Blockbusters, she has netflix?" "She was such a movie buff, she liked them there foreign films" my grammy would tell the copper. "whatever it was, she must have really wanted to see that movie, we will watch it in her honor,what was it officer? What was our dear old girl willing to die for?" The great cinematic acheivement, Porky's 2

Why all the talk of death, I guess it's because I have been reading books about it.That and all the funeral services. Also I have been shooting crime scene photographs.No, not real ones, fake ones for a TV show .I wont bother explaining how I got that gig.I wont bother telling you what show either.Cause if any of you are actually reading this or at least any of my friends.I know you all don't watch TV so it doesn't matter.But it does fulfill a secret wish I had.Before I started working at the velvet prison I had romantic notions of being a crime scene photographer.But my emotions got the best of me when having to think about any crimes involving kids.So you see, this extinguishes that craving.And pray tell, what is romantic about crime.I am deeply disturbed, I know.

So last night I went to this opening,nothing kills an otherwise interesting night then seeing people you have been avoiding for about 7 years. It wasn't as if there was some traumatic incident that stopped the friendship.Ok yes there was, but really we're all adults now and I don't have any second thoughts,except every time I hear that song you wrote about me , that tells about my inner most feelings that I shared with you in a moment of weakness because you said you cared.Then you left me cold and wet in the rain holding a cd and a notebook where you expressed your thoughts with red ink and a picture.Never to speak again, only through that song.Which by the way is so catchy and you can't help but tap your toes and sing along and everyone liked it and people still play it and I can't do or say anything without sounding bitter or worse pretentious.I had vowed that when or if I ever saw you again I would kick you in the shin real hard.I wanted to punch you in the face but I can't hit a person with glasses. The worst part of it was that I was really enjoying that falafel , people watching, snapping covert pictures.

I ended up buying a small painting by Kathie Olivas: http://www.miserychildren.com/ ,I will let you guess which one.
Normally I don't go for this sort of thing.But something about the name and the look on the kids face made me laugh, for a miserable child that is and also I have been researching circus freak posters and I know that she had designed a few posters for the circus. Anyway it was small and I thought I would hang it in my office. I am trying to expand my tastes as well.

I am really starting to get in to different styles and I have been wanting to resurrect the
Lucky Dip art Swap (inquire if you'd like to hear more).This time inviting strangers rather then just friends. It's a thought to explore more.

For the last month or so I have been in email discussions with an old friend SWI. I have to say he has really been in inspiration to explore more.I have always been a pretty open person.However, I am a feeler of art rather then viewing it in other forms, analytical thinking, seeking more I guess. I might not agree with all things that he thinks, but I do find it an interesting subject to continue, this exploration he is seeking.His willingness to challenge himself and to seek a greater knowledge of what he see before him.To figure it all out then question it all, as it lays before him on his table. http://www.39forks.com/ .He also tells funny jokes.

Last night I picked up : Colson Whitehead, John Henry Days
My bedside reading table is starting to overflow.It now contains the above mentioned ,
The Devil in the White City by, Erik Larson on page 56
You Remind Me of Me by, Dan Chaon to start soon I hope
Ethan Frome by, Edith Wharton about 9 pages from finished
T. S Eliot collected poems always on the bed side table
David Copperfield by, Dickens, come on you knew that, right? Trying to reread classics to remind me that books are good.

also in the drawer , Soma magazine the film issue with Julie Delpy on the cover "Julie Delpy tells it like it is" she doesn't really though. I would really like to see the short films she has directed but can't seem to track them down. I haven't decided how I feel about her yet.I'm on the fence, do we like her?
The New flaunt with Ethan Hawke (oh jemma, see it's a disease) why isn't he in more movies? He's the type of guy where if I smoked , I would bum one off him . Then I would die of lung cancer.Kids, smoking is bad and not cool, stay in school , don't do drugs. Read trash magazines and books instead.