It's really not a good excuse

I've been absent for awhile.Truth of this is really quite embarassing though.But here it goes, I forgot my log in name and password so that I could post.
But after many tries and giving up and coming back I finally remembered.
Sad thing is that I truly have not much to write about.
I have been busy preparing for this submission this weekend. I haven't really done anything likethis.But I figured I have nothing to loose and there seemed to be more to gain if I did get accepted.
The worst part is writing an artist statement. I just have a hard time expressing in words what I am trying to convey in images. I mean it seems to defeat the purpose of what the photo is if I have to explain what I am about. Caus eafter all my photos are what I am about.They're images from my life, childhood, future. Or something like that. But honestly, most statements i read sound so phony and a bit pretentious if you ask me. Maybe that is another sign of my weakness when it cames to exploring art.

I've been remiss on emails and phone calls to friends. I have been in my head so much lately as well.
But i have to say that it seems that I'm not really missed caus ei havent heard from anyone myself.So it must not be that big of a deal that I have been "checked out".

Things that i was so up on in the last few months have faded in my mind. For some reason ceratin interests have wained as well as people A few people who I thought would work through their issues are still wallowing in the misery of well being miserable.I have found in the past I had become a person who was only happy when i was unhappy.If that makes any sense. well I just woke up one day and learned, forced myself to learn that I am not that person and dont want to be. But the truth is you cant tell that to people.You have to let them discover it on their own. So now I am learning that you just have to let them .I cant warn them or discuss with them just how incredibly ridiculous they are being.It's not fair to them.They need to be miserable and well I just can't be around that and i found that when i took myself out of it.Well I just dont want to go back and that meant that maybe I would never have them in my life agian.This bothered me and well that has been fading, the guilt of the decision,is it a bad one? Right or wrong I made it and well I feel damn good about it.

Well that was a little rant wasnt it.

My new obsession for the last few weeks and next week.
Every day I watch and have become so engrossed with the shear mental and physical strength of these people. My only question is ? Why no woman? do they have one just for women?
Stage 17 today and I know what I'm doing tonight, so exciting I am huh?