I went out and picked up the new CLEM SNIDE album at lunch today.
I'm a little afraid to listen to it. I discovered them last year and rushed out and bought all of their albums and fell in love instantly. Soft Spot had some of the best songs I had heard in a long while.It could have been where I was at.But the writing on the album really hooked me.
It is the one album I have yet to grow tired of and it inspires many images in the head when I put it on.I am hoping to do a whole series of short super 8 films based upon many of these songs.Then get in trouble by the law for using the songs, then do a short film based on my jail time.
I wanted to write all about how I had the most amazing creative weekend. But no matter how many times or ways I put it down on it just doesnt do it justice or convey the feeling I had. The feeling of waking up and discovering something new, how was I too keep this new discovery, this feeling , catch it lock it up in a bottle and drink it when I felt like I was lost . There was just no way I could get this down.So instead I will let you know all about the new exhibition at MOCA
Visual Music. I found myself wondering the rooms in awe of all discovers that had been around for so long before what I had assumed been only a few years.Yes, I know very naive of me. Here I was this person who would put on my ipod and walk the streets letting the music influence what I would be shooting. Is music such an influence on me or is it the people in their moments? I havent figured it out. Sometimes I cant see what is in front of me unless the song is in my head.When I listen to music or read books, I see each lyric, word in a snapshot. Anyway, I wish I had the vocabulary to be all arty and say cool intellectual art review type things about the exhibition.But I will leave that to the review people, whomever they are. Also there was abstraction; Into the Unknown. I have always made it very clear to people that when it comes to art I am a person who feels rather then thinks.I had started to explore the possibilities of thinking more.This best works for abstract and or conceptual art, in my doesn't matter what I think opinion.So after spending two hours looking at abstract art, it wasn't so much as thinking about it but questioning it. I guess I happen to think abstract or maybe conceptual art
( what is the difference please tell me , is it just titles or more.I really want to know) I think that this is in a way a selfish medium. I feel all you dagger eyes and mean vibes. But come on in a way it is..it's not being negative but I am saying think about it this way.Conceptual art is in a way an inside joke/story/theory/idea that only the artist knows about and if your lucky he will do a good enough job relating this story to you. So then he has let you in his private club and you know all the right questions to ask.Because we all know that saying "I don't get it" or worse saying "is this really art?" So this is my thought on it, it's sort of a selfish art.But that's not to say it's bad art,But your telling your viewer your having a party and you haven't decided if they are invited.I know bad enalogy, look this is just how i see it and I will be the first to admit I am wrong and I can say I know I am wrong about most art.So with that said , please all you art students who have read the latest required art college critical thinking art type book, please don't email me with your anger book quotes.Go out and look at the art and form your own opinions not get them from a book. With saying that though I will say that I did enjoy the works of Helen Torr,Barnett Newman,Francis Picabia,a Lithuanian artist, which I am not sure he is considered abstract but the 3 paintings that were hanging were amazing and of course I cant remember the names and can't find online,something to do with fire I think (still looking) as well as he was a composer and had composed music that went along with these paintings that when I listened to while looking at the paintings, I started to cry.It was a whole new experience to see and feel and then have this music that made me rethink what I just saw.but it might just be these 3 paintings , some of his other stuff I see online seems a bit fantasy like...and really liked Robert Irwin
Speaking of capturing moments.I rewatched, again one of my all time Favorite movies
Paris, Texas.
I can't stop thinking about this movie .I would occasionally push pause and discovered that at anytime I pushed pause, no matter what scene, it was a beautiful photograph once paused..try it.God to be able to meet Wim Wenders and just to say to him...Thank You, I suppose that is what I would say or maybe not, more likely I would rock back and forth on my feet and just stare.
Looking forward to seeing the new film about Henry, I have been for about a year hearing his name and asking about him and thinking wow how fascinating,then low and behold a documentary about him and his life and paintings. H. is convinced he must have been a kiddie fiddler or killed someone. But I will hold judgment to see this film first, but he does seem kind of creepy.
I've finished Billy Dead, Geez and I thought my family was bad. Just when I thought it couldn't get anyworse for this family I would turn the page and unfold another horrific battle. I cried twice, which is rare for me to cry whilst reading a book.the last book I cried at was Dave Eggers HBWOST. Which really who didn't cry when they read that, you didn't, you cold hearted person.
But Billy Dead were different tears, they were not tears of pity, they were tears of real pain. I just felt so hopeless when reading it.It was like I wanted to jump in and shake the guy and say , no no stop please, you're making it worse..There is two pages where he is in the diner eating with the old man and I just lost it, the desire to have this other life was just destroying him.To be someone else to be somewhere else..The end in the funeral home when he looks over and sees his dad....read it,I will personally send this book to the first person who requests it, save you the money in case you hate it, it's really difficult to read, not difficult like Gravity's Rainbow but difficult because you just are so unaware of how things happen and then there it is right in front of you unfolding and nothing can be helped..So now I have to find an easy read a quick , happy chick lit novel to get me out of this painful depression from this book any suggestions please send my way. But hey, I heard they're making it into a film, with Ethan Hawke..hmmmm,not so sure I could sit through a movie about this family, but might be interesting to see a talking raccoon...dirty little creature..speaking of films, new trailer for hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, so can not wait for this film to get here already.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Chalk full of yummy info
I have spent the better part of this past week in doors.
The rain has been relentless in it's desire to thwart all my attempts of going outside
to shoot photos.
I have become trapped not only indoors but in my mind.
The endless round and round game I play of whether or not I am making the right decisions.
What do I want to do in terms of how I would like to represent myself, if only for that one week of showing.
Let me tell you how I feel about group shows.They are my worst nightmare.Nothing is worse for me then to sit and watch as people pass by your work with only a glance.Then to suddenly halt in front of the person's whose work is beside yours. To stand , discuss, engage, comment, question everything about what this person has done.All the while their backs turned away from you and what you have spent the last few months pouring your heart into,ignoring it all. Then turn that around, flip the coin.The thought of someone standing in front of what I have done, looking, commenting,judging,thinking, wondering and then turning to me to question me.I don't now what I fear more. I must not be the only one who feels this way.Who questions the nerves , the aching in the stomach at an opening?
What annoys me more is those who take the attitude that they don't care what others think.When everyone knows, including the" artist" (oh I hate that word right now) there is a strong desire to please others in it.They're full of shit when they say that they do it only for art and what others do or don't think doesn't mean a toss to them.Bullshit, artist are the most vain people I know.They all have these frail egos that need a good stoke.They question everything they do and have this incredible vulnerability that they force into a box and let out when they get around to , painting, drawing, writing, whatever they consider art. So of course when some one puts all that vulnerability out there for others to see, they care.They are lying to themselves if they say otherwise.
At the end of the day ( I know , I'm trying not to say that anymore)
it's all part of the process I suppose.I enjoy a challenge but it plays havoc on my nerves, my eyes, my mind, my soul, my desires...
Often I am told to photograph what I know, what I feel..The things I know/feel I would rather not be reminded.
I find it almost impossible to shoot objects of happiness, beautiful people..I don't know those things, feel those things, see those things. I get caught up in the sadness because I can relate more to that feeling.Then it overcomes me, I have a hard time disengaging from what I see through the lens. It carries over, it gets stuck in me .
That is another reason I am suffering right now with all these questions I have.
My goal for this next show was to disengage myself from the emotion of it all, just like the viewer.Take a step back and question what I was looking at rather then knowing exactly what I was looking at.Is it real, what do I feel, see and how is it effecting me.
anyway that was a ramble wasn't it.
Still trying to figure out how to post photos and get my links section. I need a computer friend.
Also I have been toying with the idea to creating an actual website.I was hoping for a photoblog but man I am just to intimidated. So I guess the goal is to just play with this site a little longer.I was browsing around and found this site , I enjoyed the chaos of it all.
The rain has been relentless in it's desire to thwart all my attempts of going outside
to shoot photos.
I have become trapped not only indoors but in my mind.
The endless round and round game I play of whether or not I am making the right decisions.
What do I want to do in terms of how I would like to represent myself, if only for that one week of showing.
Let me tell you how I feel about group shows.They are my worst nightmare.Nothing is worse for me then to sit and watch as people pass by your work with only a glance.Then to suddenly halt in front of the person's whose work is beside yours. To stand , discuss, engage, comment, question everything about what this person has done.All the while their backs turned away from you and what you have spent the last few months pouring your heart into,ignoring it all. Then turn that around, flip the coin.The thought of someone standing in front of what I have done, looking, commenting,judging,thinking, wondering and then turning to me to question me.I don't now what I fear more. I must not be the only one who feels this way.Who questions the nerves , the aching in the stomach at an opening?
What annoys me more is those who take the attitude that they don't care what others think.When everyone knows, including the" artist" (oh I hate that word right now) there is a strong desire to please others in it.They're full of shit when they say that they do it only for art and what others do or don't think doesn't mean a toss to them.Bullshit, artist are the most vain people I know.They all have these frail egos that need a good stoke.They question everything they do and have this incredible vulnerability that they force into a box and let out when they get around to , painting, drawing, writing, whatever they consider art. So of course when some one puts all that vulnerability out there for others to see, they care.They are lying to themselves if they say otherwise.
At the end of the day ( I know , I'm trying not to say that anymore)
it's all part of the process I suppose.I enjoy a challenge but it plays havoc on my nerves, my eyes, my mind, my soul, my desires...
Often I am told to photograph what I know, what I feel..The things I know/feel I would rather not be reminded.
I find it almost impossible to shoot objects of happiness, beautiful people..I don't know those things, feel those things, see those things. I get caught up in the sadness because I can relate more to that feeling.Then it overcomes me, I have a hard time disengaging from what I see through the lens. It carries over, it gets stuck in me .
That is another reason I am suffering right now with all these questions I have.
My goal for this next show was to disengage myself from the emotion of it all, just like the viewer.Take a step back and question what I was looking at rather then knowing exactly what I was looking at.Is it real, what do I feel, see and how is it effecting me.
anyway that was a ramble wasn't it.
Still trying to figure out how to post photos and get my links section. I need a computer friend.
Also I have been toying with the idea to creating an actual website.I was hoping for a photoblog but man I am just to intimidated. So I guess the goal is to just play with this site a little longer.I was browsing around and found this site , I enjoyed the chaos of it all.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Pull yourself together !
Poor Jemma she's a little down in the dumps today. I think it must be the weather it seems a few others are suffering from bleak moods as well.
I tend to not handle it well when others breakdown, I make it an obligation to make it right. Only to discover that I actually am not as stable myself, especially in situations where I need to be serious.I tend to make bad jokes to mask my own failures and demons.
I might have to propose The Mutual Bleak Moods Society.
In order to be a member you must:
Suffer from bouts of depression at least one week a month.
You must have moments of feeling worthless.
Suffer from panic attacks at least once a month.
Sleep a little to much.
Browse the web for sites on "how to become healthy".
Listen to moody music just to see if you will cry.
Enjoy it when it rains.
Just when your friends and spouse starts to get annoyed or worried...
You all of the sudden wake up and feel fine as if nothing happened.
Until next month.
I tend to not handle it well when others breakdown, I make it an obligation to make it right. Only to discover that I actually am not as stable myself, especially in situations where I need to be serious.I tend to make bad jokes to mask my own failures and demons.
I might have to propose The Mutual Bleak Moods Society.
In order to be a member you must:
Suffer from bouts of depression at least one week a month.
You must have moments of feeling worthless.
Suffer from panic attacks at least once a month.
Sleep a little to much.
Browse the web for sites on "how to become healthy".
Listen to moody music just to see if you will cry.
Enjoy it when it rains.
Just when your friends and spouse starts to get annoyed or worried...
You all of the sudden wake up and feel fine as if nothing happened.
Until next month.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I try to laugh about it
I recieved a SPAM email from someone who wanted to know more about me.They sent me a list of questions that I will try in all honesty to answerAll I ask in return is that they answer and everyone else answer the same questions and email it back to me. It's a fair trade.some of these questions are v. personal. I cant believe I am going to contribute to this.But I am bored at work, trying to get away from typing notes
what's on you ipod right now?
i am listening to my ipod right now as i write this,it's on shuffle but at this moment
Holiday By Irving
what's in your purse?
all though i am a bit of a purse collector of sorts.I don't actually carry one around.I have more of a bag.
the contents of my bag are as follows in no particular order, only because there is no order inside my bag.
one wallet that contains the appropriate ID. one bank card, one credit card, 3 library cards
( i moved around alot), picture of my dead cat
one PDA, that i am still learning, it was supposed to take away the use of hundreds of post it notes all over the house.
one case of altoids breath mints,"fresh breath is a priority in my life" quick who said that?
one check book
one cell phone, turned off
one hp digital camera
one cannon sure shot digital camera
one cannon Z155 35mm camera
four rolls of undevelpoed film
two rolls of ready to use film
one 2005 standard diary calendar
one mini moleskin journal to write ideas down.
one pair of glasses
one pair of sunglasses
set of car keys
one uncashed paycheck
seven writing pens
one book, Billy Dead
a bunch of pieces of paper and various reciepts
a travel packet of hand wipes
and usually my ipod but I am listening to it right now.
So there you have it does that tell you anything about me?
What's on your night stand?
read my past blog entries and you will hear all about it.
When was the last time to spoke with your parents and what did you speak about?
When you say speak? does that include listening as they spoke to me or actually having words come out my mouth? My mother 4 months ago, she called to yell at me cause i had left a message on her machine asking if she was alright as i hadnt heard from her in months and she was not returning my calls or anyone else in the family.She yelled and said I want her keeper and she thought i was a horrible daughter, to her credit I proably was a little shit. She said she didnt need help with anything and that when she wanted to talk she would call.She then hung up on me and I havent heard from her since and i havent called her either. To make something clear, my mother is sick (in the head, little chemical embalance) and as long as she takes medication she doesnt slip down the dark path of depression and think bad thoughts..I know she is ok cause she calls my sister all the time to complain about me. So as long as she is ok I feel ok .
My dad, i spoke to two months ago.He took money from me and exchange for a family piano that was to be delivered over a month ago. I havent heard from him since and i havent seen the piano and nor ever will. I think he is back in jail.Probably due to failing a drug test since after a year and a half he decided to break his soberiety and start drinking which in his case always leads back to doing drugs.History repeats itself with my dad, he doesnt learn.The phone conversation was short, something about how he would be here tomorrow with the piano and he would fix my installation in my studio.That was over a month ago.
Do you eat meat?
oh ..well yes I do, please dont bombard me with vegetarian things now. I eat meat yes, i will make no excuses. I eat red meat once a month and I eat chicken, hate fish, not a big pork person, and everything else is to complicated to make.so yes chicken and red meat once a month. I could tell you about how I hate chickens and Turkey cause as a child i was attacked by one and ever since then I just havent cared about them.But then all the veggies would say i was attacked by them because i ate them.But that doesnt fly with me cause I grew up in a vegetarian household so i was a vegetarian all the way till high school.Blame public schooling
ever had a one night stand?
nope, just never have been that type of girl.I slept with a friend once but it was awful and we ended up being better friends because it was laughable.That was ages ago though, I was young like 19 ,he moved away years ago.
what was the worst thing about your childhood?
the nightmare of it all. i actually am not going to get into my childhood.Years of therapy wasnt worth the money to be reminded of it all.
what was the best thing about your childhood?
Redcowboy boots, pigtails, greyghost sting ray bike, being able to stay up all night,having a drive in as my backyard and the river as my front yard.All the nightmares that made me stronger.
How old where you when you had your first heartbreak?
six years old
Did you have an imaginary friend?
AWE! the best question, yes i did his name was charles. I would wake up every day to an astounding
Hello Charles. The name became a nickname my grandfather used to call me later on in life.But I had actually gotten the name from him as he used to call everyone Charles as a term of endearment for some odd reason.
We're you popular in school?
I think maybe more in grade school, in middle schol I was the new kid and in highschool I was just one of many.Niether cool kid or Geeky kid, just the slightly weird girl..
What is the best/worst thing that has happened to you in the last 6months?
Hmm, the best is waking up every morning next to Mish...Suckers!
New friends that inspire and create interesting converstions. Contacting old friends.
The worst, the death of Jason, one of my dearest friends.
What is the best advice you have ever been given?
The world is going to laugh at you, so be the first to laugh and laugh the loudest.
my gramps
Don't live a luckewarm life
mucci's gramps
Don't ever join the grownups
mish
Fight Naked
I think I made that up myself, not sure
Just be nice to each other
mish's pops
Where do you see yourself in a year?
I'm trying not to do that to myself anymore.It set's me up for too much disappointment. However, I see myself on Satuday unpacking books and putting up bookshelves.
Have you ever been in a fight?
What a fist fight? yeah like in 10th grade and I got expelled from school.
A verbal fight, yep right now,with a friend but it's over email does that count?
what fears do you have?
I have a fear of going to the bathroom in public places.This is due to many reason but mainly because of roadtrips and having to use gas station bathrooms. Also after lunch i have issue about using the bathroom, for some reason all these images pop into my mind of obease people using the toilet seat and dirty people leaving skid marks in the tiolet bowl.When I walk into a bathroom after lunch the just pop into my head and i get that gagging reflex in my stomach and i start dry heaving and if at all possible i avoid using the restroom after eating because of this. Also there is this unspoken word at work which bathroom you use for peeing in and pooping in and i sit by the pooping bathroom so i get to see all these people go in if my door is open and I cant help but imagine them in there dropping the kids off at the pool...I'm so immature I know this.
what is your favorite smell?
who are you James Lipton?
what would you rather loose, sight or smell?
Smell, wait does that mean i would loose my taste as well, dont they go hand in hand?
I choose smell, besides my allergies are so bad half the year I cant really smell much.
Leno or Letterman?
Is Jon Stewart not an option? between those two only, Letterman, wanna buy a monkey? Leno drives those stupid cars around town and they are always breaking down and fucking people will get up from their meals at cafes just to help him push his broken car.yet I get a flat tire in the middle of a road , pouring down rain, at 10:00pm on Christmas eve and all i get is people honking and yelling at me.
Did you think OJ was guilty? how about Kobe?
They were both guilty in their own ways, but yes I thought OJ did it.I thought Kobe should have known better.They both got off way to lightly.
Are you a sports fan?
I am an Arsenal supporter.As well as a Laker Girl.Every once in awhile when i want to feel patriotic I will go to a basbeall game and be nostolgic for lost past times and apple pie.
What's on your ipod now?
Everything changed by Aqualung, oh just ended now it's Gillian Welch.
Tell me two truths and one lie about yourself, so I can see if I can guess the lie about you.
Han Solo hit me with a golf cart on the studio lot once
A photo I took is on display at MOMA.
Bukowski was my neighbor and i used to watch him hit his wiife whenever they would have garage sales, selling their crap.
goodluck with that, your turn now.I have many hours at work to waste.
I'm learning to enjoy California more
http://artscenecal.com/ArticlesFile/Archive/Articles2000/Articles0100/JDoolinA.html
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
So you now understand all of the time we have wasted
I have pretty much sent this article off to everyone whom I thought would be interested in knowing how important it is to waste time and be bored everyonce in awhile.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,11913,1410136,00.html
last night something happened that really freaked me out.
I was with a small group of friends, we were walking down a small town main street
the streets were overflowing with people all heading out of town. They were all forming single file lines walking in the same direction. My small group of friends and I were walking the opposite direction , someone made the comment that we were like fish swimming against the stream. The road turned into a dirt road and I wanted to stop and take a picture.But I had no film in my camera and I insisted that everyone stop and take a mental picture so that in the future we could all collectively merge our memories to form the picture.We were all humming the same song, something I didnt recognize but knew the harmony too. A large hand touched my shoulder and I turned and Jason was standing next too me.He was wearing a dirty baseball hat and had red lipstick smeared on his cheek. I tried to rub it off and he asked me to stop. We started walking the dirt road and it turned into a meadow. Someone made the comment that it must have just rained as the grasses were covered in dew and smelled fresh. Someone asked where we were and we all looked around and for a brief second fear over took us all . We had no idea. Jason stood before us and said that we were headed in the right direction and that we would get there.But we had to first take our shoes off. We all sat down and when I looked up Jason was staring down at me, the lipstick was gone, replaced by blood . He looked to the others and looked back at me and then turned away from me. I tried to stand up but the wet grasses were wrapped around my legs.I turned to ask for help and noticed that everyone was too far away from me. I yelled for them and they turned and started waving, Laughing, not at me but happy laughing. I sat there as the grass stared wrapping around me and i looked over at Jason's back and then to my friends who were all singing now. I turned and Jason was gone. I started to panic and started ripping the grass from around my legs. I jumped up and started to run to the group .They turned and looked at me and one of them came forward and as he came into view his face turned into Jason's and he said,
"you're headed the wrong way, stop fighting it"
Then I woke up!
All day I have been trying to figure it out and what was that song everyone was singing.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,11913,1410136,00.html
last night something happened that really freaked me out.
I was with a small group of friends, we were walking down a small town main street
the streets were overflowing with people all heading out of town. They were all forming single file lines walking in the same direction. My small group of friends and I were walking the opposite direction , someone made the comment that we were like fish swimming against the stream. The road turned into a dirt road and I wanted to stop and take a picture.But I had no film in my camera and I insisted that everyone stop and take a mental picture so that in the future we could all collectively merge our memories to form the picture.We were all humming the same song, something I didnt recognize but knew the harmony too. A large hand touched my shoulder and I turned and Jason was standing next too me.He was wearing a dirty baseball hat and had red lipstick smeared on his cheek. I tried to rub it off and he asked me to stop. We started walking the dirt road and it turned into a meadow. Someone made the comment that it must have just rained as the grasses were covered in dew and smelled fresh. Someone asked where we were and we all looked around and for a brief second fear over took us all . We had no idea. Jason stood before us and said that we were headed in the right direction and that we would get there.But we had to first take our shoes off. We all sat down and when I looked up Jason was staring down at me, the lipstick was gone, replaced by blood . He looked to the others and looked back at me and then turned away from me. I tried to stand up but the wet grasses were wrapped around my legs.I turned to ask for help and noticed that everyone was too far away from me. I yelled for them and they turned and started waving, Laughing, not at me but happy laughing. I sat there as the grass stared wrapping around me and i looked over at Jason's back and then to my friends who were all singing now. I turned and Jason was gone. I started to panic and started ripping the grass from around my legs. I jumped up and started to run to the group .They turned and looked at me and one of them came forward and as he came into view his face turned into Jason's and he said,
"you're headed the wrong way, stop fighting it"
Then I woke up!
All day I have been trying to figure it out and what was that song everyone was singing.
Monday, February 14, 2005
He Makes a Stand
What shall I learn first: When I finally get the piano, I think delivered with in two weeks.We'll see about that!
Tiny Dancer : Elton John
Still Fighting it: Ben Folds
or quite possibly I think the winner...JOURNEY, the greatest band ever.I think Journey warrants hours of bloody fingers.
Today in the Velvet Prison a man jumped from the tower, screaming,
"Are we there yet?"
He landed in the fountain, did three laps and was escorted to the basement.Where they send all the non team players.
I was once told at work that I was an out of the box thinker.Funny thing was I wasnt even aware there was a box.Where is this box, what type is it, where did it come from, Is it taped up and who is it addressed too?
This man was wearing a green suit and had on moonboots.They all cheered and when he swam his third and final lap a trickle of blood was starting to form outside his left ear. When i noticed it reminded me of the apple i was hiding in my drawer for my 4:00 snack break.
This man was an out of the box thinker.I could tell cause he was wearing moonboots, just like mine.
So I expect in another 2-5 months I too will be jumping from the tower.However I will be screaming,
"Get jiggy with it"
Tiny Dancer : Elton John
Still Fighting it: Ben Folds
or quite possibly I think the winner...JOURNEY, the greatest band ever.I think Journey warrants hours of bloody fingers.
Today in the Velvet Prison a man jumped from the tower, screaming,
"Are we there yet?"
He landed in the fountain, did three laps and was escorted to the basement.Where they send all the non team players.
I was once told at work that I was an out of the box thinker.Funny thing was I wasnt even aware there was a box.Where is this box, what type is it, where did it come from, Is it taped up and who is it addressed too?
This man was wearing a green suit and had on moonboots.They all cheered and when he swam his third and final lap a trickle of blood was starting to form outside his left ear. When i noticed it reminded me of the apple i was hiding in my drawer for my 4:00 snack break.
This man was an out of the box thinker.I could tell cause he was wearing moonboots, just like mine.
So I expect in another 2-5 months I too will be jumping from the tower.However I will be screaming,
"Get jiggy with it"
We'll make memories of things to come
Every moment must make way for one that's new.
Just before it does, remember I love you.
-Clem Snide
Happy Valentines day to my sunshine. That strange fellow who sleeps next to me ever night and steals the covers. He gave me the best gift ever, a horror movie.
I spent Sunday evening surrounded by some lady friends.Old and new, we have decided a Sunday dinner every month is a good way to embrace each other. Okay, I will be honest it was a lame attempt of having a Sex in the City moment.But we soon discovered we just were not that cool.
I have to say I can understand how woman find it hard to be friends with each other.I will let you in on a secret. It is all true, we can be real bitches, can be envious, jealous of each other, we can bite, scream and kick.BUT , we don't act this way all the time and quite frankly we do this to each other, cause we understand each other. It is easy for me to say I understand why she did this or said that.Because, I have done it as well or said it myself before. It's a cruel thing we do, and an internal game we play. we do it to ourselves and therefore we understand when others do it.Problem is we accept it and we continue too allow it.
I wanted to see if there was anything the six of us could all agree on and well for as different we all are.We finally came up with a small list.I guess that is what the great thing is though.We are all so different and that makes the bonding so much better.However, that small list we all agree on is quite ridiculous.
1: woman read Jane Austin
2: woman fancy Johnny Depp
3: at some point in our lives, we have at least
thought about being with another woman.
4: we cry at commericals.
5: The book that we have all read, "Are you there God? it's me Margaret"
sad list but true..But the greatest thing is that I know next time we meet, I get to hear all about things I know nothing about and learn from them something new. Growing daily..
The news is so much better on the BBC.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cumbria/4263761.stm.
I have to admit this and I wish I could say that I feel bad for believing this way.However, I dont and I dont judge those who believe different, so I hope they dont judge back. I am not a God person.I am not a higher power feeling person. I am not uncomfortable believing this way, I am however uncomfortable discussing this with people who do believe this. I feel this way about it all, whatever helps you get through your life, in good and bad times. Whatever you believe in or whoever you grasp onto to help answer questions you have, believe in it, if that is what helps you. I only say this because in the last few weeks there has been a lot of God talk in my life. Taking a hard look at what I believe and what others believe can put a strain on one's emotions..death is involuntary.
Broyard wrote: "the threat of dying ought to make people witty"
In his dying days he didnt," gloss over, evade, or sentimentalize or pietize "as most begin to do.
The fear is, as I pointed out expressing these belief's to other, why is it ok for them to express then to me but I am not allowed to express back with out fear of offending. People are programmed to not discuss religion and politics. We are told that it is wrong to not believe or support . Or maybe it is me, maybe i just want to please others. All I know is that if I am asked the right questions . I will answer with all honesty, I do not know and I do not want to know. You may say that is ignorant.But I know who I am or who I want to be and when it comes to choosing, i choose living what life i make for myself..Don't live a lukewarm life, as i was told once, and it wasnt told to me by any god, guru, teacher,spiritual advisor..just a person, a plain old friend.
A new movie has been added onto the movie list,rent it watch it , give me your thoughts..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059084/
Darling, directed by John Schlesinger, staring Julie Christie
I picked up this book a few weeks back.Everynight I make my way through another artist
Woman artist of the 20th and 21st century.
I'm almost disappointed in myself that I cant really name to many female artists. So I sit down and go through these pages and learn and explore.I'm trying to see if there is anyone out there who will send me a list of Female Artist to further explore, anyone, anyone. I beg you!
Until then I would like to explore this guy:
Jannis Kounellis, a Greek artist.
Just before it does, remember I love you.
-Clem Snide
Happy Valentines day to my sunshine. That strange fellow who sleeps next to me ever night and steals the covers. He gave me the best gift ever, a horror movie.
I spent Sunday evening surrounded by some lady friends.Old and new, we have decided a Sunday dinner every month is a good way to embrace each other. Okay, I will be honest it was a lame attempt of having a Sex in the City moment.But we soon discovered we just were not that cool.
I have to say I can understand how woman find it hard to be friends with each other.I will let you in on a secret. It is all true, we can be real bitches, can be envious, jealous of each other, we can bite, scream and kick.BUT , we don't act this way all the time and quite frankly we do this to each other, cause we understand each other. It is easy for me to say I understand why she did this or said that.Because, I have done it as well or said it myself before. It's a cruel thing we do, and an internal game we play. we do it to ourselves and therefore we understand when others do it.Problem is we accept it and we continue too allow it.
I wanted to see if there was anything the six of us could all agree on and well for as different we all are.We finally came up with a small list.I guess that is what the great thing is though.We are all so different and that makes the bonding so much better.However, that small list we all agree on is quite ridiculous.
1: woman read Jane Austin
2: woman fancy Johnny Depp
3: at some point in our lives, we have at least
thought about being with another woman.
4: we cry at commericals.
5: The book that we have all read, "Are you there God? it's me Margaret"
sad list but true..But the greatest thing is that I know next time we meet, I get to hear all about things I know nothing about and learn from them something new. Growing daily..
The news is so much better on the BBC.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cumbria/4263761.stm.
I have to admit this and I wish I could say that I feel bad for believing this way.However, I dont and I dont judge those who believe different, so I hope they dont judge back. I am not a God person.I am not a higher power feeling person. I am not uncomfortable believing this way, I am however uncomfortable discussing this with people who do believe this. I feel this way about it all, whatever helps you get through your life, in good and bad times. Whatever you believe in or whoever you grasp onto to help answer questions you have, believe in it, if that is what helps you. I only say this because in the last few weeks there has been a lot of God talk in my life. Taking a hard look at what I believe and what others believe can put a strain on one's emotions..death is involuntary.
Broyard wrote: "the threat of dying ought to make people witty"
In his dying days he didnt," gloss over, evade, or sentimentalize or pietize "as most begin to do.
The fear is, as I pointed out expressing these belief's to other, why is it ok for them to express then to me but I am not allowed to express back with out fear of offending. People are programmed to not discuss religion and politics. We are told that it is wrong to not believe or support . Or maybe it is me, maybe i just want to please others. All I know is that if I am asked the right questions . I will answer with all honesty, I do not know and I do not want to know. You may say that is ignorant.But I know who I am or who I want to be and when it comes to choosing, i choose living what life i make for myself..Don't live a lukewarm life, as i was told once, and it wasnt told to me by any god, guru, teacher,spiritual advisor..just a person, a plain old friend.
A new movie has been added onto the movie list,rent it watch it , give me your thoughts..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059084/
Darling, directed by John Schlesinger, staring Julie Christie
I picked up this book a few weeks back.Everynight I make my way through another artist
Woman artist of the 20th and 21st century.
I'm almost disappointed in myself that I cant really name to many female artists. So I sit down and go through these pages and learn and explore.I'm trying to see if there is anyone out there who will send me a list of Female Artist to further explore, anyone, anyone. I beg you!
Until then I would like to explore this guy:
Jannis Kounellis, a Greek artist.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Buyers Remorse
Yesterday will prove to those that I don't live the exciting life they think.
Morning: run around the lake..3.2 miles.I felt like death had pinched me afterwards.I am afriad
to admit that I am out of shape,slightly chubby,have allergies and a rather boyish hair cut that refuses to grow. I am taunted at work by many who call me Lucas
(I think this is in reference to the movie with Winona Ryder and one of the corey's)
Lunch: Moca was closed for installation so I ended up walking around downtown. They are trying so hard to gentrify it all.galleries, stores, theater, music halls, bars, lofts everywhere. what they dont understand is that just because they build it, they won't come.They move here for the stars on the side walk and the sun at the beach.There isnt anything downtown that makes them feel that Hollwood star shine,where they too could be discovered. It's a shame to say it but, build a gap and put in a few more starbucks and a Nailz "r" us and then they flock.Hoping to get a glimpse of a "celebrity". Downtown is ok as it is. Dont ruin it by having that midwest girl hop off a bus hoping to be discovered living there in your lofts.
Afternoon: a gave in and saw Million Dollar Baby.I know i said i would hold off, not able to forgive Hillary Swank for those two awful movies she did the last few years.Nothing else was on,also the fact that i had read that fucking article in The Post and knew the ending didnt help. I was to prepared,highest expectations dont work in my favor. I walked out feeling that I had missed something, like I had just been to a family reunion but only the relatives whom I didnt really know or care for showed up,forcing me to talk with them, dance with them,understand them. I get it ok, I understand, I agree, I just dont want to talk about it with you! Should I have enjoyed this movie more because everyone said I would, should. Maybe I would have if that idiot of a critic wouldnt have given away the ending, or if i didnt break my one rule about films,Never read reviews.A newspaper writer should not decide if I will enjoy a movie or not.
Evening: A friend had given me all these DVD's as gifts.I almost feel bad to admit they all sucked so I exchanged them for things i wanted. But really why would I want to open , let alone watch Catwoman and batman returns. I got a store credit of $300 dollars and i went on a guilty spree. The following list is what i ended up with.
CD's:
Lou Reed, John Cale and Nico: Le Bataclan
The very best of John Coletrane
Nina Simone: The Jazz Biography
Aimee Mann: Lost in Space Special edition, this has a great cover of Coldplays The Scientist Live
Bill Evans: You must believe in Spring
Luka Bloom: Before Sleeps comes, I dont know why I bought this other then the fact that the blurb had said it was made for those who can't sleep..that would be me.So does this mean it will put me to sleep or keep me company? The cover art is really nice as well
The London Howling Wolf Sessions: this is the deluxe edition.Normally I wouldnt spend this much on a CD but it was on sale and in a way it was free,since i never paid for the DVD's (side note, neither did my friend she gets them for free from work)
Bright Eyes: I'm wide awake in the morning, a friends recomendation
Getz/Gilberto #2 :Live at Carnegie Hall,Stan Getz Live anywhere is a good purchase.
Edith Piaf 1941-1962, I really am not sure why I picked this other then it helps me with my French and the art work was done by Kellerman.
Marilyn: The Essentials, another whim purchase.Something says to me that she was overrated and then you actually listen to her sing and you hear something that sounds like desperation mixed with hope and it gets you and you cant but help like her.Also I am reading Capote and I had read somewhere that he wanted her for the part as Holly Gollightly and something seems right about that.
Deep In a Dream, Chet Baker, I always buy Chet
Kings of Leon: Aha Shake Heartbreak, the new album is better then the old. I love rock and roll with the spirit of the 70's.
The Pogues: The Very best of, I wanted to replace my lost cd's but just wanted to get it all one one. I'm not singing for the future, I'm not dreaming of the past, I'm not talking of the first time, I never think about the last.
John Coletrane:Blue Train, Blue Note Rudy Van Gelder edition, this is one of my favotite records I own.But I dont have a reoord pplayer at work, so as you can see I needed this.
Lynard Skynard: The Millenium Collection, Fuck yeah! Free Bird live man!
Neil Young :Greatest Hits, All LIVE!
Art Blakey and the Jazz Messangers; His version of Moanin is still one of the best around
Rebekah Del Rio: Toda mi Vida,if you saw Mullholland Drive you then know that this is an amazing Latin Singer who's voice makes me cry.
Yo La tengo: And Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out, with a title like that!!!
Ben Harper and The blind Boys of Alahabama,Ben Harper is underrated, he is still that kind of talent where if people pulled their heads out they would discover him and then he would be explosive and I would be unhappy.I like to think that I might be the only one that buys his albums.
Bob Wills:For the last Time, They don't call him the King of Texas for nothing.
DVD's
There are three directors that in my humble opinion embody what film making is all about.To me they took risks, made stories believable, unbelievable, engaged, changed my thoughts and opinions, made me laugh, cry,angry, happy and all the rest of the human emotional spectrum. I have never been disapointed and they made me love films, filmmaking and at times pulled me back into life.Some may laugh but like i said this is just me.
Wim Wenders is the Master
John Cassevettes was a risktaker
Krzytof Kieslowski was a genious
I own every DVD already.So i searched for movies that would capture any sliver of them.
I ended up with
Paul Thomas Anderson's first film Hard Eight.People forget about first films and i actually prefer this film to Boogie Nights.The writing alone in this movie is enough but if you add directing and performanence, well you get a glimps into what he can do.Now if he would just get on with it.Magnolia cam out years ago, next please.
American Movie, I enjoy heartbreaking Documentaries just like the rest.But this is what it's about.Heartbreaking comedy is hard to do.
Blow Up: Antonioni is on my top ten list.
George Sluizer: The Vanishing, I really enjoy thrillers and horror.But this is just a damn good movie and The Criterion Collection is quality!
Wages of Fear: This is a movie that should be watched by everyone,I dont want to say Masterpiece,But there is a reason the box says that.
Ghost World: If you havent seen it,you suck then
The Waking Life: Richard Linklater, I dont know why I bought this.When i first saw it i was in a bad mood , hated it and fell asleep.I thought it warranted another look.I enjoy Linklater's work, ok except The Newton Boys, what was that? He takes risk and i appreciate the thought behind it all.I am giving this another look cause i hope it is as good as I think it should be? He is just a such a good writer, you tend to have to watch his movies more then once to capture it all.
Dinner: at Cobras and Matadors..mmm tapas is good, home...Then I watched the Notebook
I am a sucker for a good romance, see i am just a boring girl.
Morning: run around the lake..3.2 miles.I felt like death had pinched me afterwards.I am afriad
to admit that I am out of shape,slightly chubby,have allergies and a rather boyish hair cut that refuses to grow. I am taunted at work by many who call me Lucas
(I think this is in reference to the movie with Winona Ryder and one of the corey's)
Lunch: Moca was closed for installation so I ended up walking around downtown. They are trying so hard to gentrify it all.galleries, stores, theater, music halls, bars, lofts everywhere. what they dont understand is that just because they build it, they won't come.They move here for the stars on the side walk and the sun at the beach.There isnt anything downtown that makes them feel that Hollwood star shine,where they too could be discovered. It's a shame to say it but, build a gap and put in a few more starbucks and a Nailz "r" us and then they flock.Hoping to get a glimpse of a "celebrity". Downtown is ok as it is. Dont ruin it by having that midwest girl hop off a bus hoping to be discovered living there in your lofts.
Afternoon: a gave in and saw Million Dollar Baby.I know i said i would hold off, not able to forgive Hillary Swank for those two awful movies she did the last few years.Nothing else was on,also the fact that i had read that fucking article in The Post and knew the ending didnt help. I was to prepared,highest expectations dont work in my favor. I walked out feeling that I had missed something, like I had just been to a family reunion but only the relatives whom I didnt really know or care for showed up,forcing me to talk with them, dance with them,understand them. I get it ok, I understand, I agree, I just dont want to talk about it with you! Should I have enjoyed this movie more because everyone said I would, should. Maybe I would have if that idiot of a critic wouldnt have given away the ending, or if i didnt break my one rule about films,Never read reviews.A newspaper writer should not decide if I will enjoy a movie or not.
Evening: A friend had given me all these DVD's as gifts.I almost feel bad to admit they all sucked so I exchanged them for things i wanted. But really why would I want to open , let alone watch Catwoman and batman returns. I got a store credit of $300 dollars and i went on a guilty spree. The following list is what i ended up with.
CD's:
Lou Reed, John Cale and Nico: Le Bataclan
The very best of John Coletrane
Nina Simone: The Jazz Biography
Aimee Mann: Lost in Space Special edition, this has a great cover of Coldplays The Scientist Live
Bill Evans: You must believe in Spring
Luka Bloom: Before Sleeps comes, I dont know why I bought this other then the fact that the blurb had said it was made for those who can't sleep..that would be me.So does this mean it will put me to sleep or keep me company? The cover art is really nice as well
The London Howling Wolf Sessions: this is the deluxe edition.Normally I wouldnt spend this much on a CD but it was on sale and in a way it was free,since i never paid for the DVD's (side note, neither did my friend she gets them for free from work)
Bright Eyes: I'm wide awake in the morning, a friends recomendation
Getz/Gilberto #2 :Live at Carnegie Hall,Stan Getz Live anywhere is a good purchase.
Edith Piaf 1941-1962, I really am not sure why I picked this other then it helps me with my French and the art work was done by Kellerman.
Marilyn: The Essentials, another whim purchase.Something says to me that she was overrated and then you actually listen to her sing and you hear something that sounds like desperation mixed with hope and it gets you and you cant but help like her.Also I am reading Capote and I had read somewhere that he wanted her for the part as Holly Gollightly and something seems right about that.
Deep In a Dream, Chet Baker, I always buy Chet
Kings of Leon: Aha Shake Heartbreak, the new album is better then the old. I love rock and roll with the spirit of the 70's.
The Pogues: The Very best of, I wanted to replace my lost cd's but just wanted to get it all one one. I'm not singing for the future, I'm not dreaming of the past, I'm not talking of the first time, I never think about the last.
John Coletrane:Blue Train, Blue Note Rudy Van Gelder edition, this is one of my favotite records I own.But I dont have a reoord pplayer at work, so as you can see I needed this.
Lynard Skynard: The Millenium Collection, Fuck yeah! Free Bird live man!
Neil Young :Greatest Hits, All LIVE!
Art Blakey and the Jazz Messangers; His version of Moanin is still one of the best around
Rebekah Del Rio: Toda mi Vida,if you saw Mullholland Drive you then know that this is an amazing Latin Singer who's voice makes me cry.
Yo La tengo: And Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out, with a title like that!!!
Ben Harper and The blind Boys of Alahabama,Ben Harper is underrated, he is still that kind of talent where if people pulled their heads out they would discover him and then he would be explosive and I would be unhappy.I like to think that I might be the only one that buys his albums.
Bob Wills:For the last Time, They don't call him the King of Texas for nothing.
DVD's
There are three directors that in my humble opinion embody what film making is all about.To me they took risks, made stories believable, unbelievable, engaged, changed my thoughts and opinions, made me laugh, cry,angry, happy and all the rest of the human emotional spectrum. I have never been disapointed and they made me love films, filmmaking and at times pulled me back into life.Some may laugh but like i said this is just me.
Wim Wenders is the Master
John Cassevettes was a risktaker
Krzytof Kieslowski was a genious
I own every DVD already.So i searched for movies that would capture any sliver of them.
I ended up with
Paul Thomas Anderson's first film Hard Eight.People forget about first films and i actually prefer this film to Boogie Nights.The writing alone in this movie is enough but if you add directing and performanence, well you get a glimps into what he can do.Now if he would just get on with it.Magnolia cam out years ago, next please.
American Movie, I enjoy heartbreaking Documentaries just like the rest.But this is what it's about.Heartbreaking comedy is hard to do.
Blow Up: Antonioni is on my top ten list.
George Sluizer: The Vanishing, I really enjoy thrillers and horror.But this is just a damn good movie and The Criterion Collection is quality!
Wages of Fear: This is a movie that should be watched by everyone,I dont want to say Masterpiece,But there is a reason the box says that.
Ghost World: If you havent seen it,you suck then
The Waking Life: Richard Linklater, I dont know why I bought this.When i first saw it i was in a bad mood , hated it and fell asleep.I thought it warranted another look.I enjoy Linklater's work, ok except The Newton Boys, what was that? He takes risk and i appreciate the thought behind it all.I am giving this another look cause i hope it is as good as I think it should be? He is just a such a good writer, you tend to have to watch his movies more then once to capture it all.
Dinner: at Cobras and Matadors..mmm tapas is good, home...Then I watched the Notebook
I am a sucker for a good romance, see i am just a boring girl.
Friday, February 11, 2005
These Streets are Made for Walking
Every once in awhile I go through a phase of indulging my inner feelings with a face.
I discovered that's best not to do in work meetings, situations that require delicate matters of the heart, or in the pressence of family.
I learned about Bees, go ahead ask me any question and i can tell you the correct answer.
As i sat through a 2 hour lecture about these fascinating little creatures,sigh.
http://www.moca.org
going to check out a few things today, get out of the house in to the rain and the smells of downtown, yes, there is a down town here.
Walking the streets during the day is like playing being the silver ball in a pinball machine. You never know where you will end up , each street shooting you out into unknown territory. There seems to be an imaginary line, I wasnt aware the first time i crossed it.I was walking around shooting once beautiful buildings, now housing qhost of the past and lost futures. I tend to get lost in my head, not aware of surroundings just what is seen through the lense of my little camera. I wasnt aware that the surroundings had suddenly turned from delapitated buildings to delapitated people. The sun was getting low and if it wasnt for that reason i would have continued walking,maybe off into the sunset. when i looked around i didnt recognize the names on the streets signs, I couldnt even read them. The buildings were no longer towering high, but the seemed to be at waist level, gone were the granite and bricks, introducing me to new housing material cardboard and tarp...Shit, I thought...But instead of running, i took a hard look at what had become of what was once hopeful faces.I stared right in to what was a town of anger, sadness, madness, and hope had disappeared. I walked at a brisk pace back up the street.unaware that along the way my finger kept pushing the shutter. Unaware that i was being followed, not because of me but i believe because of what i was holding, my two cameras. Traffic was all but gone and i thought if i could just see the cars, I would be safe. 3 blocks to go and i could see the towering buildings ahead. Out of the alley an old man stepped out , prompting my head to send the signals to jump.
" Lady, I didnt mean to scare you,But I have a feeling the three men behind you might be meaning to scare you and a whole lot more" he said as i walked by him , he stayed with in 2 feet distance. To prove his point, to respect my space,or his oldman legs wouldnt allow him to keep up.
"just keep walking , take a left at the next block,you'll see two police.They'll leave you alone then"
"Thank You" I made sure to look him in the eyes.To prove my point, whatever it was.
Next left ,next left i kept reminding myself.I turned....nothing, no one.I stood on the corner and i heard behind me the stopping of feet,many pairs of feet.The street light flickered on reminding me that down town during the day, good.Downtown at night, bad, very bad.
I slowly turned to see three men standing behind me.Fuck it, cars or no cars i stepped into the street and made a dash for the other side.
"You leave that girl alone" I heard him yell.I turned and saw the old man waving his hand at them.
"You leave her alone, get out of here,I saw the police over there, you let her alone, get going"
Just then out of a building two uniforms step out of a door, i gasp
"Miss, you all right? you shouldnt be down here at night.There are no nice people down here"
He couldnt have been more wrong
I discovered that's best not to do in work meetings, situations that require delicate matters of the heart, or in the pressence of family.
I learned about Bees, go ahead ask me any question and i can tell you the correct answer.
As i sat through a 2 hour lecture about these fascinating little creatures,sigh.
http://www.moca.org
going to check out a few things today, get out of the house in to the rain and the smells of downtown, yes, there is a down town here.
Walking the streets during the day is like playing being the silver ball in a pinball machine. You never know where you will end up , each street shooting you out into unknown territory. There seems to be an imaginary line, I wasnt aware the first time i crossed it.I was walking around shooting once beautiful buildings, now housing qhost of the past and lost futures. I tend to get lost in my head, not aware of surroundings just what is seen through the lense of my little camera. I wasnt aware that the surroundings had suddenly turned from delapitated buildings to delapitated people. The sun was getting low and if it wasnt for that reason i would have continued walking,maybe off into the sunset. when i looked around i didnt recognize the names on the streets signs, I couldnt even read them. The buildings were no longer towering high, but the seemed to be at waist level, gone were the granite and bricks, introducing me to new housing material cardboard and tarp...Shit, I thought...But instead of running, i took a hard look at what had become of what was once hopeful faces.I stared right in to what was a town of anger, sadness, madness, and hope had disappeared. I walked at a brisk pace back up the street.unaware that along the way my finger kept pushing the shutter. Unaware that i was being followed, not because of me but i believe because of what i was holding, my two cameras. Traffic was all but gone and i thought if i could just see the cars, I would be safe. 3 blocks to go and i could see the towering buildings ahead. Out of the alley an old man stepped out , prompting my head to send the signals to jump.
" Lady, I didnt mean to scare you,But I have a feeling the three men behind you might be meaning to scare you and a whole lot more" he said as i walked by him , he stayed with in 2 feet distance. To prove his point, to respect my space,or his oldman legs wouldnt allow him to keep up.
"just keep walking , take a left at the next block,you'll see two police.They'll leave you alone then"
"Thank You" I made sure to look him in the eyes.To prove my point, whatever it was.
Next left ,next left i kept reminding myself.I turned....nothing, no one.I stood on the corner and i heard behind me the stopping of feet,many pairs of feet.The street light flickered on reminding me that down town during the day, good.Downtown at night, bad, very bad.
I slowly turned to see three men standing behind me.Fuck it, cars or no cars i stepped into the street and made a dash for the other side.
"You leave that girl alone" I heard him yell.I turned and saw the old man waving his hand at them.
"You leave her alone, get out of here,I saw the police over there, you let her alone, get going"
Just then out of a building two uniforms step out of a door, i gasp
"Miss, you all right? you shouldnt be down here at night.There are no nice people down here"
He couldnt have been more wrong
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Rivers and Falafels
Last night I went to an opening, more about that later...
Do you know that last year I went too four funerals.
In my life I have had 4 near death experiences,
Two involved guns pointed in my face,something my mother does not know about.
Two involving cars.You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes? Such bullshit, your life doesn't flash till the next day when the situation represents itself in the storytelling form by the water cooler.Or maybe it does flash and it just didn't flash for me.
Once I went into blocky to pick up some movies. As I was standing in line with my two movies and my twizzlers a man walked in an walked right past me up to the counter pulled out a gun and asked the teenager to give him the cash.He then turned around, pointed the gun at the few of us there and told us to get to the ground. As I lay there on the ground the following went through my mind.Not at some crazy OH MY GOD speed, not like a time stopping moment where everything suddenly slows.Nope these thoughts went through my mind as if they were the most important , profound thoughts, very normal, very clear, precise, solving all life's problems type of thoughts.I lay there on the ground clutching my movies,staring up at a man who was holding a gun to us, yelling . He turned to me screamed..."Turn away bitch". I looked away and stared down at my hands ,they were still as can be, knuckles white, clutching my movies as if they were my life saving apparatus, they would be my life jacket incase of emergency. I focused on the the lettering and the words formed clearly in my eyes.Then the thought came to me like a voice from some important land.."Oh, wow, I am renting Porky's 2, I will die renting Porky 2, not even Porky's 1.But 2, I am an asshole" So you see images of my life didn't pass before my eyes, thoughts of police recovering my bloody shot up body,clutching for dear life a copy of Porky's 2..Knocking on the door of my family to inform them. Only to have my family ask, "what was she doing at Blockbusters, she has netflix?" "She was such a movie buff, she liked them there foreign films" my grammy would tell the copper. "whatever it was, she must have really wanted to see that movie, we will watch it in her honor,what was it officer? What was our dear old girl willing to die for?" The great cinematic acheivement, Porky's 2
Why all the talk of death, I guess it's because I have been reading books about it.That and all the funeral services. Also I have been shooting crime scene photographs.No, not real ones, fake ones for a TV show .I wont bother explaining how I got that gig.I wont bother telling you what show either.Cause if any of you are actually reading this or at least any of my friends.I know you all don't watch TV so it doesn't matter.But it does fulfill a secret wish I had.Before I started working at the velvet prison I had romantic notions of being a crime scene photographer.But my emotions got the best of me when having to think about any crimes involving kids.So you see, this extinguishes that craving.And pray tell, what is romantic about crime.I am deeply disturbed, I know.
So last night I went to this opening,nothing kills an otherwise interesting night then seeing people you have been avoiding for about 7 years. It wasn't as if there was some traumatic incident that stopped the friendship.Ok yes there was, but really we're all adults now and I don't have any second thoughts,except every time I hear that song you wrote about me , that tells about my inner most feelings that I shared with you in a moment of weakness because you said you cared.Then you left me cold and wet in the rain holding a cd and a notebook where you expressed your thoughts with red ink and a picture.Never to speak again, only through that song.Which by the way is so catchy and you can't help but tap your toes and sing along and everyone liked it and people still play it and I can't do or say anything without sounding bitter or worse pretentious.I had vowed that when or if I ever saw you again I would kick you in the shin real hard.I wanted to punch you in the face but I can't hit a person with glasses. The worst part of it was that I was really enjoying that falafel , people watching, snapping covert pictures.
I ended up buying a small painting by Kathie Olivas: http://www.miserychildren.com/ ,I will let you guess which one.
Normally I don't go for this sort of thing.But something about the name and the look on the kids face made me laugh, for a miserable child that is and also I have been researching circus freak posters and I know that she had designed a few posters for the circus. Anyway it was small and I thought I would hang it in my office. I am trying to expand my tastes as well.
I am really starting to get in to different styles and I have been wanting to resurrect the
Lucky Dip art Swap (inquire if you'd like to hear more).This time inviting strangers rather then just friends. It's a thought to explore more.
For the last month or so I have been in email discussions with an old friend SWI. I have to say he has really been in inspiration to explore more.I have always been a pretty open person.However, I am a feeler of art rather then viewing it in other forms, analytical thinking, seeking more I guess. I might not agree with all things that he thinks, but I do find it an interesting subject to continue, this exploration he is seeking.His willingness to challenge himself and to seek a greater knowledge of what he see before him.To figure it all out then question it all, as it lays before him on his table. http://www.39forks.com/ .He also tells funny jokes.
Last night I picked up : Colson Whitehead, John Henry Days
My bedside reading table is starting to overflow.It now contains the above mentioned ,
The Devil in the White City by, Erik Larson on page 56
You Remind Me of Me by, Dan Chaon to start soon I hope
Ethan Frome by, Edith Wharton about 9 pages from finished
T. S Eliot collected poems always on the bed side table
David Copperfield by, Dickens, come on you knew that, right? Trying to reread classics to remind me that books are good.
also in the drawer , Soma magazine the film issue with Julie Delpy on the cover "Julie Delpy tells it like it is" she doesn't really though. I would really like to see the short films she has directed but can't seem to track them down. I haven't decided how I feel about her yet.I'm on the fence, do we like her?
The New flaunt with Ethan Hawke (oh jemma, see it's a disease) why isn't he in more movies? He's the type of guy where if I smoked , I would bum one off him . Then I would die of lung cancer.Kids, smoking is bad and not cool, stay in school , don't do drugs. Read trash magazines and books instead.
Do you know that last year I went too four funerals.
In my life I have had 4 near death experiences,
Two involved guns pointed in my face,something my mother does not know about.
Two involving cars.You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes? Such bullshit, your life doesn't flash till the next day when the situation represents itself in the storytelling form by the water cooler.Or maybe it does flash and it just didn't flash for me.
Once I went into blocky to pick up some movies. As I was standing in line with my two movies and my twizzlers a man walked in an walked right past me up to the counter pulled out a gun and asked the teenager to give him the cash.He then turned around, pointed the gun at the few of us there and told us to get to the ground. As I lay there on the ground the following went through my mind.Not at some crazy OH MY GOD speed, not like a time stopping moment where everything suddenly slows.Nope these thoughts went through my mind as if they were the most important , profound thoughts, very normal, very clear, precise, solving all life's problems type of thoughts.I lay there on the ground clutching my movies,staring up at a man who was holding a gun to us, yelling . He turned to me screamed..."Turn away bitch". I looked away and stared down at my hands ,they were still as can be, knuckles white, clutching my movies as if they were my life saving apparatus, they would be my life jacket incase of emergency. I focused on the the lettering and the words formed clearly in my eyes.Then the thought came to me like a voice from some important land.."Oh, wow, I am renting Porky's 2, I will die renting Porky 2, not even Porky's 1.But 2, I am an asshole" So you see images of my life didn't pass before my eyes, thoughts of police recovering my bloody shot up body,clutching for dear life a copy of Porky's 2..Knocking on the door of my family to inform them. Only to have my family ask, "what was she doing at Blockbusters, she has netflix?" "She was such a movie buff, she liked them there foreign films" my grammy would tell the copper. "whatever it was, she must have really wanted to see that movie, we will watch it in her honor,what was it officer? What was our dear old girl willing to die for?" The great cinematic acheivement, Porky's 2
Why all the talk of death, I guess it's because I have been reading books about it.That and all the funeral services. Also I have been shooting crime scene photographs.No, not real ones, fake ones for a TV show .I wont bother explaining how I got that gig.I wont bother telling you what show either.Cause if any of you are actually reading this or at least any of my friends.I know you all don't watch TV so it doesn't matter.But it does fulfill a secret wish I had.Before I started working at the velvet prison I had romantic notions of being a crime scene photographer.But my emotions got the best of me when having to think about any crimes involving kids.So you see, this extinguishes that craving.And pray tell, what is romantic about crime.I am deeply disturbed, I know.
So last night I went to this opening,nothing kills an otherwise interesting night then seeing people you have been avoiding for about 7 years. It wasn't as if there was some traumatic incident that stopped the friendship.Ok yes there was, but really we're all adults now and I don't have any second thoughts,except every time I hear that song you wrote about me , that tells about my inner most feelings that I shared with you in a moment of weakness because you said you cared.Then you left me cold and wet in the rain holding a cd and a notebook where you expressed your thoughts with red ink and a picture.Never to speak again, only through that song.Which by the way is so catchy and you can't help but tap your toes and sing along and everyone liked it and people still play it and I can't do or say anything without sounding bitter or worse pretentious.I had vowed that when or if I ever saw you again I would kick you in the shin real hard.I wanted to punch you in the face but I can't hit a person with glasses. The worst part of it was that I was really enjoying that falafel , people watching, snapping covert pictures.
I ended up buying a small painting by Kathie Olivas: http://www.miserychildren.com/ ,I will let you guess which one.
Normally I don't go for this sort of thing.But something about the name and the look on the kids face made me laugh, for a miserable child that is and also I have been researching circus freak posters and I know that she had designed a few posters for the circus. Anyway it was small and I thought I would hang it in my office. I am trying to expand my tastes as well.
I am really starting to get in to different styles and I have been wanting to resurrect the
Lucky Dip art Swap (inquire if you'd like to hear more).This time inviting strangers rather then just friends. It's a thought to explore more.
For the last month or so I have been in email discussions with an old friend SWI. I have to say he has really been in inspiration to explore more.I have always been a pretty open person.However, I am a feeler of art rather then viewing it in other forms, analytical thinking, seeking more I guess. I might not agree with all things that he thinks, but I do find it an interesting subject to continue, this exploration he is seeking.His willingness to challenge himself and to seek a greater knowledge of what he see before him.To figure it all out then question it all, as it lays before him on his table. http://www.39forks.com/ .He also tells funny jokes.
Last night I picked up : Colson Whitehead, John Henry Days
My bedside reading table is starting to overflow.It now contains the above mentioned ,
The Devil in the White City by, Erik Larson on page 56
You Remind Me of Me by, Dan Chaon to start soon I hope
Ethan Frome by, Edith Wharton about 9 pages from finished
T. S Eliot collected poems always on the bed side table
David Copperfield by, Dickens, come on you knew that, right? Trying to reread classics to remind me that books are good.
also in the drawer , Soma magazine the film issue with Julie Delpy on the cover "Julie Delpy tells it like it is" she doesn't really though. I would really like to see the short films she has directed but can't seem to track them down. I haven't decided how I feel about her yet.I'm on the fence, do we like her?
The New flaunt with Ethan Hawke (oh jemma, see it's a disease) why isn't he in more movies? He's the type of guy where if I smoked , I would bum one off him . Then I would die of lung cancer.Kids, smoking is bad and not cool, stay in school , don't do drugs. Read trash magazines and books instead.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
A Poem for Mer Bird
Quand tu es près de moi,
Cette chambre n'a plus de parois,
Mais des arbres oui, des arbres infinis,Et quand tu es tellement près de moi,
C'est comme si ce plafond-là,
Il n'existait plus, je vois le ciel penché sur nous... qui restons ainsi,Abandonnés tout comme si,Il n'y avait plus rien, non plus rien d'autre au monde,J'entends l'harmonica... mais on dirait un orgue,Qui chante pour toi et pour moi,
Là-haut dans le ciel infini,Et pour toi, et pour moi
Quando sei qui con meQuesta stanza non ha piu paretiMa alberi, alberi infinitiE quando tu sei vicino a meQuesto soffitto, viola, noNon esiste più, e vedo il cielo sopra a noiChe restiamo quì, abbandonati come seNon ci fosse più niente più niente al mondo,Suona l'armonica, mi sembra un organoChe canta per te e per meSu nell'immensità del cieloE per te e per me.
Et pour toi, et pour moi.
My dream would be to polaroid the world....
http://www.mattbalara.com/polaroidiary/
Cette chambre n'a plus de parois,
Mais des arbres oui, des arbres infinis,Et quand tu es tellement près de moi,
C'est comme si ce plafond-là,
Il n'existait plus, je vois le ciel penché sur nous... qui restons ainsi,Abandonnés tout comme si,Il n'y avait plus rien, non plus rien d'autre au monde,J'entends l'harmonica... mais on dirait un orgue,Qui chante pour toi et pour moi,
Là-haut dans le ciel infini,Et pour toi, et pour moi
Quando sei qui con meQuesta stanza non ha piu paretiMa alberi, alberi infinitiE quando tu sei vicino a meQuesto soffitto, viola, noNon esiste più, e vedo il cielo sopra a noiChe restiamo quì, abbandonati come seNon ci fosse più niente più niente al mondo,Suona l'armonica, mi sembra un organoChe canta per te e per meSu nell'immensità del cieloE per te e per me.
Et pour toi, et pour moi.
My dream would be to polaroid the world....
http://www.mattbalara.com/polaroidiary/
Lickety Split
Recieved today:
Intoxicated By My Illness: And Other Writings on Life and Death
By Anatole Broyard
Marah: 20,000 Streets Under The Sky
Purschased soley because I read a chapter of a book that was influenced by this album.
The only thing I can remember about my dreams last night was that a Russian man wearing a bright red velour jump suit was kicking my in the head as I lay clutching a bag of take out food from a chinese diner where a waitress was trying to sell me her body for $13.00 dollars.I kept trying to call 911 but the mobile phone wouldnt let me, an operator kept saying that I was not allowed to dial 911 from a mobile , that I had to use a pay phone.I was so concerned about my take out that i was trying to protect it.....
How pathetic is it when a 30 year old woman enjoys watching the WB? I fool myself into thinking it's a social experiment.Gotta keep up with the kids these days yah know.But damn those Gilmore Girls, I just am in awe of their rapid talking,with witty one liners and good hair.
Another day at the Velvet Prison (aka work) and another day sitting in a dark office hoping and prying the sequel to Goonies will someday come to fruition and be made.
Worried about Bruno as he is driving down a bumpy road and i fear he doesnt look beyond the signs .He will miss his turn and I will be forced to tell him about it and he will resent me.Make a decision, make the hard one and then ..Rage against the dying light
If indeed life is too short (seems fucking long to me lately) then you must leave your house, laugh first and laugh the loudest cause the world doesnt care and neither should you, or in your case actually, maybe you should start caring. But what gets me is that you dont even see your own potential of a great person you could become.You are the architect of your own misery, and you seem hell bent on creating a mess.Be a little more graceful in your character and you will see a yellow cake sitting on your door step daily...mmm yellow cake
I have a to admit that I am a bit envious of Emily and her ability to leave such a legacy
www.shutterbabe.org
Going tonight to view the opening of: www.nineteeneightyeight.com
I will also be part of the group show there in April I-am-8bit. Detials to follow.
Watched The French Film
Fat Girl
I was enaged for two hours unaware that i wasnt blinking or breathing, till the end when the window breaks, then i gasped for air.Just to see the look on this girls face was enough to watch, her eyes said it all about being an adolescent, growing up akward.
Now if only i could remember the name of the film where the girl is taking care of her drunk mother in a trailer, steals the job away from the boy at the crepes wagon and then tries to drown herself.....anyone??
I can't figure out how to post images but i have loads.Also how do i get rid of my mice problem and if there is a Bob Dylan Chronicles volume one will there be a volume two?
Does th eworld really need another Law and Order? Hell yes it does, what am I saying of course it does.
What is a wonderwall?
HA HA on you http://ihatemyflatmate.blogspot.com/
Intoxicated By My Illness: And Other Writings on Life and Death
By Anatole Broyard
Marah: 20,000 Streets Under The Sky
Purschased soley because I read a chapter of a book that was influenced by this album.
The only thing I can remember about my dreams last night was that a Russian man wearing a bright red velour jump suit was kicking my in the head as I lay clutching a bag of take out food from a chinese diner where a waitress was trying to sell me her body for $13.00 dollars.I kept trying to call 911 but the mobile phone wouldnt let me, an operator kept saying that I was not allowed to dial 911 from a mobile , that I had to use a pay phone.I was so concerned about my take out that i was trying to protect it.....
How pathetic is it when a 30 year old woman enjoys watching the WB? I fool myself into thinking it's a social experiment.Gotta keep up with the kids these days yah know.But damn those Gilmore Girls, I just am in awe of their rapid talking,with witty one liners and good hair.
Another day at the Velvet Prison (aka work) and another day sitting in a dark office hoping and prying the sequel to Goonies will someday come to fruition and be made.
Worried about Bruno as he is driving down a bumpy road and i fear he doesnt look beyond the signs .He will miss his turn and I will be forced to tell him about it and he will resent me.Make a decision, make the hard one and then ..Rage against the dying light
If indeed life is too short (seems fucking long to me lately) then you must leave your house, laugh first and laugh the loudest cause the world doesnt care and neither should you, or in your case actually, maybe you should start caring. But what gets me is that you dont even see your own potential of a great person you could become.You are the architect of your own misery, and you seem hell bent on creating a mess.Be a little more graceful in your character and you will see a yellow cake sitting on your door step daily...mmm yellow cake
I have a to admit that I am a bit envious of Emily and her ability to leave such a legacy
www.shutterbabe.org
Going tonight to view the opening of: www.nineteeneightyeight.com
I will also be part of the group show there in April I-am-8bit. Detials to follow.
Watched The French Film
Fat Girl
I was enaged for two hours unaware that i wasnt blinking or breathing, till the end when the window breaks, then i gasped for air.Just to see the look on this girls face was enough to watch, her eyes said it all about being an adolescent, growing up akward.
Now if only i could remember the name of the film where the girl is taking care of her drunk mother in a trailer, steals the job away from the boy at the crepes wagon and then tries to drown herself.....anyone??
I can't figure out how to post images but i have loads.Also how do i get rid of my mice problem and if there is a Bob Dylan Chronicles volume one will there be a volume two?
Does th eworld really need another Law and Order? Hell yes it does, what am I saying of course it does.
What is a wonderwall?
HA HA on you http://ihatemyflatmate.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 07, 2005
Itchy Feet
The time has come, I can feel it.In my head at night when I am trying to sleep I see all the images running, i have to force them to play the "walk slow game". It's time for the next challenge. What am I doing here, wasting time and wasting the creative process.
Too much has been trapped in the pink file cabinets.I have used all the post it notes and am now running out of excuses.
If I dont explore it all now then I will have failed , at least I will feel that I have failed myself in my desire to learn more and in a way all those talks with friends, with Jason ,I will let them,him down.Even though he has let me down.
This begns the journey to explore the basic understanding of human complexities, through what I create.
Too much has been trapped in the pink file cabinets.I have used all the post it notes and am now running out of excuses.
If I dont explore it all now then I will have failed , at least I will feel that I have failed myself in my desire to learn more and in a way all those talks with friends, with Jason ,I will let them,him down.Even though he has let me down.
This begns the journey to explore the basic understanding of human complexities, through what I create.
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