Today is the day
For dancing and for singing
The birds in the tree and all the bells are ringing
The sun in the sky Is bright as bright as second light Is bright
oh God I hope I'm alrightCause I'm gonna cryHold on, hold on
Slow down, slow down
You're out of touch Out of touch
Cause there is no design for life
There's no devils haircut in my mind There is not a wonderwall to climb or step around
But there is a slideshow and it's so slow
Flashing through my mind Today was the day But only for the first time
Hold on, hold on Slow down, slow down
You're out of touch Out of touch
Cause there is no design for life
There's no devils haircut in your mind There is not a wonderwall to climb or step around
But there is a slideshow and it's so slow
Flashing through my mind
Today was the dayBut only for the first time I hope it's not the last time
Written By Fran Healy
that is how i felt today, yesterday I felt like this
drink up, baby down, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind 'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so (let go)let go, jump inoh well, whatcha waiting for it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)yeah, let go, just get in , it's so amazing here
it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
it gains the more it gives and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure we've no time for later
nowyou can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply
so (let go) let go, jump in well, whatcha waiting for it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go) let go, just get in, it's so amazing here it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Frou Frou
I want to write more but my head spins.So I thought the words of others will explain better then me
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Thursday, March 24, 2005
A few Tidbits
Quote of the day
"Just because we don't care, doesn't mean we don't understand"
I'm trying to explore and experiment with photography more, take it beyond commercialism
(what I mainly do) to a sort of art form.In doing this I have been going back to the basics.For me though I have always been at a basic level.
but This is something that makes that jump for me. I am fascinated by his almost painterly images and yes "purest of photography would debate if he was a photographer or not"
He took it a step further and created beautiful images that evoke an intagible desire.
My list of funny things:
who could tell if this was a joke or not, after all do Germans joke?
I will probably get fired for blogging at work too, but not as funny as her
ok NOT so funny,For those who have iron clad stomachs. I thought my papercut was bad.
Have I gone off reading books and now only read blogs?
I could have sent this to a few friends up North but kept forgetting.
This morning I came to work early so that I could get me some of that fine free food the velvet prison offers. As I was about to bite into a bagel, knowing how bad bagels are and how I am trying not eat bad things as my ever expanding waist line is saying ..bad food, bad body.and bad body without baby inside is just lazy.As I was about to bite into this delicious bagel , my jaw suddenly popped and locked and I'm not talking about breakdancing although I have been known to pop and lock often as a hangover from 6th grade when I won 3rd place in the talent show ,showing my awesome popping and locking skills. But nope it just locked, my jaw locked and I have not been able to pop it back.In fact I think the more I push and shove it around I think the more tight it becomes. Since I have no food in my belly , not only is my mood sour but I can't take any aspirin on an empty stomach to sooth the ever growing pain in my jaw that is working it's way to my ear.I can barley speak , which to some at work is a blessing not to hear my voice.But when I do attempt people say "what's wrong" and then I mumble back through gritted teeth." I have lock jaw" then comes the ever so intelligent response, " who were you giving head too?"
So now as I wait for my jaw to relax all I have to sooth me and my belly is the wonderful delicious stale kitchen coffee .Or as I like to refer to my coffee as "personality juice".
Oh that Moby, he sure makes sense for being bald, and boring....
Moby says he doesn’t want to be drawn into the Terri Schiavo case, but writes on his Web site: “My note to the far-right would be: you can’t have it both ways. If you genuinely believe in the sanctity of life then you cannot support the death penalty and you cannot allow people to buy automatic assault weapons and you cannot support wars that result in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people. And if you genuinely believe in states rights then you can’t pass intrusive federal legislation when the states do things that you arbitrarily disagree with.”
The one thing I look forward to everyday, is when i come to work and i open my emails to find my daily dose of Bucky.Everyone should meet bucky and have him sent to you via email every morning
"Just because we don't care, doesn't mean we don't understand"
I'm trying to explore and experiment with photography more, take it beyond commercialism
(what I mainly do) to a sort of art form.In doing this I have been going back to the basics.For me though I have always been at a basic level.
but This is something that makes that jump for me. I am fascinated by his almost painterly images and yes "purest of photography would debate if he was a photographer or not"
He took it a step further and created beautiful images that evoke an intagible desire.
My list of funny things:
who could tell if this was a joke or not, after all do Germans joke?
I will probably get fired for blogging at work too, but not as funny as her
ok NOT so funny,For those who have iron clad stomachs. I thought my papercut was bad.
Have I gone off reading books and now only read blogs?
I could have sent this to a few friends up North but kept forgetting.
This morning I came to work early so that I could get me some of that fine free food the velvet prison offers. As I was about to bite into a bagel, knowing how bad bagels are and how I am trying not eat bad things as my ever expanding waist line is saying ..bad food, bad body.and bad body without baby inside is just lazy.As I was about to bite into this delicious bagel , my jaw suddenly popped and locked and I'm not talking about breakdancing although I have been known to pop and lock often as a hangover from 6th grade when I won 3rd place in the talent show ,showing my awesome popping and locking skills. But nope it just locked, my jaw locked and I have not been able to pop it back.In fact I think the more I push and shove it around I think the more tight it becomes. Since I have no food in my belly , not only is my mood sour but I can't take any aspirin on an empty stomach to sooth the ever growing pain in my jaw that is working it's way to my ear.I can barley speak , which to some at work is a blessing not to hear my voice.But when I do attempt people say "what's wrong" and then I mumble back through gritted teeth." I have lock jaw" then comes the ever so intelligent response, " who were you giving head too?"
So now as I wait for my jaw to relax all I have to sooth me and my belly is the wonderful delicious stale kitchen coffee .Or as I like to refer to my coffee as "personality juice".
Oh that Moby, he sure makes sense for being bald, and boring....
Moby says he doesn’t want to be drawn into the Terri Schiavo case, but writes on his Web site: “My note to the far-right would be: you can’t have it both ways. If you genuinely believe in the sanctity of life then you cannot support the death penalty and you cannot allow people to buy automatic assault weapons and you cannot support wars that result in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people. And if you genuinely believe in states rights then you can’t pass intrusive federal legislation when the states do things that you arbitrarily disagree with.”
The one thing I look forward to everyday, is when i come to work and i open my emails to find my daily dose of Bucky.Everyone should meet bucky and have him sent to you via email every morning
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
OJ and MJ are sitting at a bar, the bartender says....
I stole Michael Jackson socks
The following story is based on actual events
Once ..Shortly after the first time MJ was "accused" of child molestation
I worked on a music video of his.Tension was high
He had all these body guards that carried guns and his sister was very concerned about how big her bum was getting,I saw her boob pop out of her top way before anyone who tivo'd it at superbowl.So I think she has a lifetime of wardrobe malfunction issues. But I have the photo at least.MJ and his sister got in a fight one day because her dance routine was way cooler then his and he refused to come out of his trailer and the director had to go in and talk him down.He was so upset that everytime he yelled his voice got squeekier and more high pitched and everyone was trying not to laugh.Which as you know the more you try not to laugh the more it comes out in one of those weird gagging snorts. After the siblings resolved their issues MJ had his big dance routine with an expensive guitar he was supposed to smash and even though the crew guys cut into it to make it breakable no matter how hard he tried to smash them it wouldnt break.Much to the happiness of the crew men as they were the most gorgeous expensive sought after guitars. Mj worked up a real sweat trying to smash in the end the opted for a throw down and moonwalk away move.But he was so worried he was sweating so much that his makeup was being ruined so we had to break for 2 hours as they fixed his hair , makeup and nose i think.As he stood there three men came out and brought him fresh clothes.The actually cut off his t-shirt and sewed a new one on.It freaked me out as he was all white except his belly button. As i stood watching the man untie his shoes and pull on fresh socks I didnt notice the MTV crew filming me and if i knew they were there i would have never walked over and scooped up his socks and put them in my pocket,I would've waiting till they were gone duh!. They were shiny silver ankle socks , imagine the glove but on the foot.They were awesome, the bling of them were calling me to take them, sweat and all.
That night they asked me to take Janet's pants to the drycleaners on my way home.Except i was so tired i forgot so instead of taking them to the drycleaners i washed them in my kitchen sink and then took pictures of my room mates sniffing the crotch. If I could only figure out how to post photos.
yesterday as i was watching the news about MJ, i thought...fucking hell I stole his socks..I'm wearing a pervington's socks..but i cant throw them out as everytime i wear them i dance like I've never danced before.
Abstract will keep in touch, don't loose sight
As with everyone who has a blogsite. You start out fooling yourself thinking you have real interesting insightful things to write about.It goes steady for a month then you realize just how boring you are.Nothing is worse then a boring person. I can be stuck sitting next to a rude person or super sweet , or an old lady or a married man or anyone and feel as long as they are not boring things will be fine. Boring people ..man oh man.
I've been saying that alot lately
SWI, went on a train ride and it got me thinking how i have only ever been on a trian once.Maybe I should ride the rails.There's some romantic notion about the whole railway. The whole John Henry beat that steam engine and then died. A few years back the LA weekly did a whole piece about the remaining hobos that still ride the rails and i rememeber at the time it struck me as a sort of Buddist lifestyle in a way.This calmness and peaceful with the world attitude they all had.They had seen it all and done it all and now in their old age they were just enjoying the views that passed quickly by them from an open cart and the beauty of being one with nature.
Years ago I tried to get a grant for photography.Wanting to move to Romania and photograph Gypsies as the travelled town to town. I wrote this 4 page proposal about how this "species" was a dying breed as well as the whole culture of the life had been stereotyped and placed into a box labled,Do Not Trust.
The thing that stick out now with my initial photographs was their transportaion had been trains...Hmmm
I havent been to any shows this past week or so. There was nothing that jumped from the pages that screamed, See Me Now. Also I have been trying hard to get these pieces done and am just having a real hard time.
I go into the studio, i get all comfortable, I turn on the appropraite tunes.I sit and sit and I just can't focus.Not sure why.I havent hit a block .Cause I am writing all ideas down and my brain is racing.But it seems that i just stare at the wall and my hands and eyes dont work.All these photos sit unlooked at and all these ideas go unshot....moving film is calling and i can hear it ringing.
Is it because I need a holiday?
Momo has garden plans and i wished she lived closer so she could hang out in my garden and feel relaxed and make it feel like her home.She could then have a picnic and sun naked with her girlfriend and get away from her messy room mate, school tests and worries.
music of the day: supermodels are smart and they can sing and write music
Site of the week: entertainment at it's best
Crush of the month: nerds are so sexy
photographer of my week: another time and place often reminds me of just how far we've gone and how real people can be.
Designer of dream dress: yummy dresses for yummy nights
Counting down the days till I am on Holdiay .
One of the reasons that stops me from sending this site to all my "friends" is because then i couldnt talk about them. So here is a story about a friend.
This friend is someone i knew growing up and we briefly dated when we were 12/13 for about a week. I remember we met at the high school football game with all our friends and they all sat around as we walked all the way to the back of the baseball diamond just to have a kiss. Except he was too tall so I had to stand on this pipe and it was wet and as we kissed for the first time I slipped and fell and he ended up biting my lip.It was very memorable for all the wrong reasons.He was wearing a red members only coat and I was wearing an orange sweater.That right there should have been the obvious sign we would not stay together. I broke up with him a few days later cause i didnt want to go watch any of his basket ball games and well honestly i was afraid of boys and into skaterboarding anyway. In high school he was mister popular guy and all the girls liked him and he never talked with me cause i was like an episode of Freaks and Geeks one of the greatest shows ever that of course got cancelled cause they only cancel great shows and keep on telly shite reality TV that is far from real. So then years ago after school and at my high school reunion, yes i went and yes it was funny as hell and i stick to my description of it was like watching a David Lynch film of a train wreck with the soundtrack to guns and roses. At the reunion he was wearing a very black shiny gay car salesmen type shirt but because he is to skinny to have filled it out I say gay car salesman rather then just a gay man cause gay men are far more buff and in shape.He followed me around the reunion touching me and everyone knows I hate being touched unless i touch first. He waited till the end of the night to tell me he had a wife and kid even though I knew this already and couldnt believe he thought he could keep something like that a secret. At the end of the night he tried to kiss me and i pulled away quickly, shook my head and finger at him and told him to bugger off.I had no interest in him in that way.He said he was hoping to rekindle what we had in 8th grade. I had to remind him that i'm no longer 12/13 and that we had nothing in 8th grade and even if we did it didnt amount to what i had with my own husband.I didnt want to embarass him or hurt him.I just wanted to make it very clear that we are adults and as an adult married or single there would be no way i could be involved with a grown man who wears a shiny black shirt in public and wants to be taken serioulsy for it.I mean that was what i was thinking in my head.But like i said i didnt want to embarass him as he was doing a fine job of that himself. So after many emails saying sorry for that incident we are able to email every so often more less then often and say hello how is the family and all that.But not an email goes by where it is not mentioned i broke his heart when we were 12.So after saying all this i wanted to correct myself in saying from my last post that i have never dumped anyone I was the one who always was dumped. I actually dumped a boy in 8th grade because he wore red and i wore orange.
Also once there was this real cool popular girl who SWI used to like i found out recently.Well I didnt have the heart to tell him once she stayed over at my house, that brief moment i was cool in school right between family ties being cancelled (another great show cancelled) and Dance Part USA, go on admit it, you watched that show right before you watched Degrassi Junior High which is out on DVD i found out Saturday whilst browsing for horrow films.This girl, oh I dont know shall we call her Kristie well she stayed over and borrowed my kickass "Gag me with a spoon" T-shirt that I had from the early 80's and she never returned it but worse then that she had borrowed a pair of short to sleep in and in the morning I found the shorts in the garbage can in the bathroom. I thought she just had a "lady problem" turns out she had a shitting problem.She never spoke with me agian after that. I wasnt cool enough to hang out with at school but i was cool enough to have my shorts shat it and my wicked shirt stolen .Which i would be wearing right now cause the 80's are back in style so says YM magazine.
I've been saying that alot lately
SWI, went on a train ride and it got me thinking how i have only ever been on a trian once.Maybe I should ride the rails.There's some romantic notion about the whole railway. The whole John Henry beat that steam engine and then died. A few years back the LA weekly did a whole piece about the remaining hobos that still ride the rails and i rememeber at the time it struck me as a sort of Buddist lifestyle in a way.This calmness and peaceful with the world attitude they all had.They had seen it all and done it all and now in their old age they were just enjoying the views that passed quickly by them from an open cart and the beauty of being one with nature.
Years ago I tried to get a grant for photography.Wanting to move to Romania and photograph Gypsies as the travelled town to town. I wrote this 4 page proposal about how this "species" was a dying breed as well as the whole culture of the life had been stereotyped and placed into a box labled,Do Not Trust.
The thing that stick out now with my initial photographs was their transportaion had been trains...Hmmm
I havent been to any shows this past week or so. There was nothing that jumped from the pages that screamed, See Me Now. Also I have been trying hard to get these pieces done and am just having a real hard time.
I go into the studio, i get all comfortable, I turn on the appropraite tunes.I sit and sit and I just can't focus.Not sure why.I havent hit a block .Cause I am writing all ideas down and my brain is racing.But it seems that i just stare at the wall and my hands and eyes dont work.All these photos sit unlooked at and all these ideas go unshot....moving film is calling and i can hear it ringing.
Is it because I need a holiday?
Momo has garden plans and i wished she lived closer so she could hang out in my garden and feel relaxed and make it feel like her home.She could then have a picnic and sun naked with her girlfriend and get away from her messy room mate, school tests and worries.
music of the day: supermodels are smart and they can sing and write music
Site of the week: entertainment at it's best
Crush of the month: nerds are so sexy
photographer of my week: another time and place often reminds me of just how far we've gone and how real people can be.
Designer of dream dress: yummy dresses for yummy nights
Counting down the days till I am on Holdiay .
One of the reasons that stops me from sending this site to all my "friends" is because then i couldnt talk about them. So here is a story about a friend.
This friend is someone i knew growing up and we briefly dated when we were 12/13 for about a week. I remember we met at the high school football game with all our friends and they all sat around as we walked all the way to the back of the baseball diamond just to have a kiss. Except he was too tall so I had to stand on this pipe and it was wet and as we kissed for the first time I slipped and fell and he ended up biting my lip.It was very memorable for all the wrong reasons.He was wearing a red members only coat and I was wearing an orange sweater.That right there should have been the obvious sign we would not stay together. I broke up with him a few days later cause i didnt want to go watch any of his basket ball games and well honestly i was afraid of boys and into skaterboarding anyway. In high school he was mister popular guy and all the girls liked him and he never talked with me cause i was like an episode of Freaks and Geeks one of the greatest shows ever that of course got cancelled cause they only cancel great shows and keep on telly shite reality TV that is far from real. So then years ago after school and at my high school reunion, yes i went and yes it was funny as hell and i stick to my description of it was like watching a David Lynch film of a train wreck with the soundtrack to guns and roses. At the reunion he was wearing a very black shiny gay car salesmen type shirt but because he is to skinny to have filled it out I say gay car salesman rather then just a gay man cause gay men are far more buff and in shape.He followed me around the reunion touching me and everyone knows I hate being touched unless i touch first. He waited till the end of the night to tell me he had a wife and kid even though I knew this already and couldnt believe he thought he could keep something like that a secret. At the end of the night he tried to kiss me and i pulled away quickly, shook my head and finger at him and told him to bugger off.I had no interest in him in that way.He said he was hoping to rekindle what we had in 8th grade. I had to remind him that i'm no longer 12/13 and that we had nothing in 8th grade and even if we did it didnt amount to what i had with my own husband.I didnt want to embarass him or hurt him.I just wanted to make it very clear that we are adults and as an adult married or single there would be no way i could be involved with a grown man who wears a shiny black shirt in public and wants to be taken serioulsy for it.I mean that was what i was thinking in my head.But like i said i didnt want to embarass him as he was doing a fine job of that himself. So after many emails saying sorry for that incident we are able to email every so often more less then often and say hello how is the family and all that.But not an email goes by where it is not mentioned i broke his heart when we were 12.So after saying all this i wanted to correct myself in saying from my last post that i have never dumped anyone I was the one who always was dumped. I actually dumped a boy in 8th grade because he wore red and i wore orange.
Also once there was this real cool popular girl who SWI used to like i found out recently.Well I didnt have the heart to tell him once she stayed over at my house, that brief moment i was cool in school right between family ties being cancelled (another great show cancelled) and Dance Part USA, go on admit it, you watched that show right before you watched Degrassi Junior High which is out on DVD i found out Saturday whilst browsing for horrow films.This girl, oh I dont know shall we call her Kristie well she stayed over and borrowed my kickass "Gag me with a spoon" T-shirt that I had from the early 80's and she never returned it but worse then that she had borrowed a pair of short to sleep in and in the morning I found the shorts in the garbage can in the bathroom. I thought she just had a "lady problem" turns out she had a shitting problem.She never spoke with me agian after that. I wasnt cool enough to hang out with at school but i was cool enough to have my shorts shat it and my wicked shirt stolen .Which i would be wearing right now cause the 80's are back in style so says YM magazine.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Who am I ? you asked
I got an email, I got an email..from an honest to gosh stranger.Who stumbled upong my sight and read it actually wasted a few hours of the day and read it. This person wanted to know more about "me" as they put it in parentheses, that means important things about me , right? They wanted to know a hundred things about me..
Here is a list of things about me...
i have brown hair, brown eyes. i once had red hair, black hair, blonde hair and even purplish.
i have a *shapely body*.i.e. i have hips and a chest and do not have protruding bones.
i think fart jokes are funny
i dont like to be touched to often unless i initaite it first.
i am a fucking awesome aunt
i have a brother that was adopted out when he was two days old, i have never met him , he is 21 now i think.
i am still scared of my mom
i get bad allergies
i forgive,but have a hard time forgetting
i am sometimes to trusting of strangers
i get along with men more then woman,v.sad about that though.
i have been dumped in every relationship i have ever been in.
i am to opinionated about movies.
i am too insecure when it comes to my talents.
i feel comfortable talking with strangers.
i write and send letters every month.
i collect postcards from friends who travel around
i think i will be a good parent.
i sing at the top of my lungs when driving alone.
i force myself to cry to get it all out.
i dont do well around beautiful woman.
i have 16 scars from skateboarding.
i still have all my old love letters from growing up
i have been in love with a girl before.
i have thought about death alot.
i think i would be devestated without my husband,i know i could manage though.
i break out in impromptu dance routines.
i shower in the dark
i always think i could do better
i can be very stubborn
i can flirt like there was no tomorrow
i bite my cheek to much
i sucked my thumb till i was 13 years old
i would rather rent a movie then go out
i like to sleep in on Sundays
is that 100 things..man oh man 100 is alot
i could go on if you like...
Here is a list of things about me...
i have brown hair, brown eyes. i once had red hair, black hair, blonde hair and even purplish.
i have a *shapely body*.i.e. i have hips and a chest and do not have protruding bones.
i think fart jokes are funny
i dont like to be touched to often unless i initaite it first.
i am a fucking awesome aunt
i have a brother that was adopted out when he was two days old, i have never met him , he is 21 now i think.
i am still scared of my mom
i get bad allergies
i forgive,but have a hard time forgetting
i am sometimes to trusting of strangers
i get along with men more then woman,v.sad about that though.
i have been dumped in every relationship i have ever been in.
i am to opinionated about movies.
i am too insecure when it comes to my talents.
i feel comfortable talking with strangers.
i write and send letters every month.
i collect postcards from friends who travel around
i think i will be a good parent.
i sing at the top of my lungs when driving alone.
i force myself to cry to get it all out.
i dont do well around beautiful woman.
i have 16 scars from skateboarding.
i still have all my old love letters from growing up
i have been in love with a girl before.
i have thought about death alot.
i think i would be devestated without my husband,i know i could manage though.
i break out in impromptu dance routines.
i shower in the dark
i always think i could do better
i can be very stubborn
i can flirt like there was no tomorrow
i bite my cheek to much
i sucked my thumb till i was 13 years old
i would rather rent a movie then go out
i like to sleep in on Sundays
is that 100 things..man oh man 100 is alot
i could go on if you like...
Monday, March 14, 2005
Suffer For My Sins
The weather lied to me, there was no sun,just gloom and drizzle.Almost all plans were aborted this weekend.Instead I accomplished a whole lot of movies and writing.
watched..
The Jacket
Hostage
Cursed
all in one day so it's out of my system.
Every once in awhile it's just ok to go out and watch mind numbing Hollywood movies that lack in everything, except special EFX,things blowing up and the occasional sex scene thrown in for your gratuitous viewing satisfaction, along with a tub o' popcorn and junior mints.
Then I realized that I needed to balance the delicate movie section of my brain and watched a bunch of DVD's at home, actually the were on in the back ground as I attempted to write.
rewatched Garden State to determine if I did actually enjoy this movie or if it was just a bandwagon movie.I enjoyed it and I still stick to my opinion that it should have ended with him going up the escalator.I watched Coffee and Cigarettes (Jim Jarmusch).I have to be careful with him as if you watch too much of his work then you end up sounding like a film student.Naming off who you should like if you truly consider yourself a film person.But I do so enjoy him a and his story telling ways, he bobs and weaves and they all get entangled and it's lovely to see them all writhe around.
Chapter six of book, started out slow not sure where it was going all I know is that it ended and I breezed through 7 because I knew that part of my life,dreading Chapter 8-10.Think I will wait till after Mexico, just getting through the court papers and trial transcripts was enough to put me off the whole idea of the book.The idea has been mentioned that maybe I wasn't ready to put my actual name on the book ,that out of fear from my family I would use another.Then what would be the point. Have to send off first few chapters to the editor soon,so he can send back all marked up with red, just like school..
Spent Sunday printing photos and then ripping them up into puzzle pieces, my tetris idea is not working on my desk as it works in my head.So I am on a mission to collect some old Atari cartridge cases.Then from there I will see what I can do for this piece that has to be done in two weeks for this show. I'm stuck with the desire to push myself and do something different or just to do what I know, what to do?,that is the big question isn't it?
I ventured out as I said I would to see the opening of Anne's photographs. I left feeling a little underwhelmed.I wasn't sure what to expect but I know that I left expecting more.Maybe it was because the last photo show I have seen was Diane Arbus and after that I felt that I didn't need to see any for awhile as I felt so incredibly overwhelmed and ....full, if that makes sense.I went in expecting a lovely dinner and walked out after a 9 course meal with desert,punch drunk love as well.too powerful for me to even comprehend..But Friday I left thinking that it was lovely..but not that lovely, I saw the sadness in the eyes from some of the photos but didn't feel it.I bought a book and thought I needed time to think about it more before opening it , what was I wanting..Although I did leave the gallery with the business card of the owner with a promise to email him with schedule so he could view my portfolio, cause it was a perfect space.I almost felt bad cause I was looking at the space more then the work at one point.
I really wanted to find the link to this article about Charles Bukowoski, in the New Yorker Magazine from last week.Man oh man was the guy who wrote it an idiot.Not I'm not a huge fan of old Chuck but I also know good writing and poetry when I read it.This guy whose name escapes me so I will find this and give it all out to you.This "critic" or writer goes on to discuss why he wa such a bad poet, breaking down his poems and writing about how what a drunk he was (which he was,everyone knows that already) but even a drunken writer on his worst day was better then this writer on his best.It made me so mad to read it and I had to laugh out loud when I read this, laughs of
frustration and anger....you ever heard of those kind of laughs.I will find this article and link it, just in case you think I'm over reacting. But it even prompted my H. to want to write a letter to the New Yorker commenting on this article and H. has never even read Bukowski, that's how badly written this was...gotta find it
watched..
The Jacket
Hostage
Cursed
all in one day so it's out of my system.
Every once in awhile it's just ok to go out and watch mind numbing Hollywood movies that lack in everything, except special EFX,things blowing up and the occasional sex scene thrown in for your gratuitous viewing satisfaction, along with a tub o' popcorn and junior mints.
Then I realized that I needed to balance the delicate movie section of my brain and watched a bunch of DVD's at home, actually the were on in the back ground as I attempted to write.
rewatched Garden State to determine if I did actually enjoy this movie or if it was just a bandwagon movie.I enjoyed it and I still stick to my opinion that it should have ended with him going up the escalator.I watched Coffee and Cigarettes (Jim Jarmusch).I have to be careful with him as if you watch too much of his work then you end up sounding like a film student.Naming off who you should like if you truly consider yourself a film person.But I do so enjoy him a and his story telling ways, he bobs and weaves and they all get entangled and it's lovely to see them all writhe around.
Chapter six of book, started out slow not sure where it was going all I know is that it ended and I breezed through 7 because I knew that part of my life,dreading Chapter 8-10.Think I will wait till after Mexico, just getting through the court papers and trial transcripts was enough to put me off the whole idea of the book.The idea has been mentioned that maybe I wasn't ready to put my actual name on the book ,that out of fear from my family I would use another.Then what would be the point. Have to send off first few chapters to the editor soon,so he can send back all marked up with red, just like school..
Spent Sunday printing photos and then ripping them up into puzzle pieces, my tetris idea is not working on my desk as it works in my head.So I am on a mission to collect some old Atari cartridge cases.Then from there I will see what I can do for this piece that has to be done in two weeks for this show. I'm stuck with the desire to push myself and do something different or just to do what I know, what to do?,that is the big question isn't it?
I ventured out as I said I would to see the opening of Anne's photographs. I left feeling a little underwhelmed.I wasn't sure what to expect but I know that I left expecting more.Maybe it was because the last photo show I have seen was Diane Arbus and after that I felt that I didn't need to see any for awhile as I felt so incredibly overwhelmed and ....full, if that makes sense.I went in expecting a lovely dinner and walked out after a 9 course meal with desert,punch drunk love as well.too powerful for me to even comprehend..But Friday I left thinking that it was lovely..but not that lovely, I saw the sadness in the eyes from some of the photos but didn't feel it.I bought a book and thought I needed time to think about it more before opening it , what was I wanting..Although I did leave the gallery with the business card of the owner with a promise to email him with schedule so he could view my portfolio, cause it was a perfect space.I almost felt bad cause I was looking at the space more then the work at one point.
I really wanted to find the link to this article about Charles Bukowoski, in the New Yorker Magazine from last week.Man oh man was the guy who wrote it an idiot.Not I'm not a huge fan of old Chuck but I also know good writing and poetry when I read it.This guy whose name escapes me so I will find this and give it all out to you.This "critic" or writer goes on to discuss why he wa such a bad poet, breaking down his poems and writing about how what a drunk he was (which he was,everyone knows that already) but even a drunken writer on his worst day was better then this writer on his best.It made me so mad to read it and I had to laugh out loud when I read this, laughs of
frustration and anger....you ever heard of those kind of laughs.I will find this article and link it, just in case you think I'm over reacting. But it even prompted my H. to want to write a letter to the New Yorker commenting on this article and H. has never even read Bukowski, that's how badly written this was...gotta find it
Friday, March 11, 2005
March Was Fair at Best
The Soundtrack to my week has been Music for Egon Schiele.
Every once in awhile I go through a phase were I just cant listen to anything with lyrics, just
sounds and noises, the sounds of life. My mind is able to form thoughts with images.
Speaking of images tonight I'm going to brave Hollywood on a Friday night and go to
Anne Fishbein's opening. The show was recommended by Pervical Press, a small press here in LA that publishes some pretty amazing works of art, fiction, poetry, nonfiction books around.I often order books from them.
I was supposed to do some camping this weekend but forgot that I have my tax appointment tomorrow. Wonder if this year I will owe? For the last two years I have owed and I find this sad as I feel that I never have money in my accounts and am in debt (just a little) so how is that I owe, I don't make that much money.But I think I tricked them this year,I own a house now so that means I get a big deduction , right? I hope..Don't make me start popping out kids just for a tax break..Damn that bush.The funniest thing was last year I actually got money back then a few months back I got a letter from the IRS that said I didnt pay any Social Security, which I thought was odd since it's a huge deduction from my check they automatically take out of my paycheck each week.So when I called, they said it reflects on my record that I paid it but that I never checked the box correctly that I did pay it, even though my record shows I do pay it..So now I owe them..Damn that Bush.Somebody please explain this too me, not that tax experts are reading this.But maybe since I have mentioned taxes and IRS a few times in this post then somewhere out there in computer land a red flag is going up on a secret file with my name on it..Damn bush and the IRS, nuts to you..
Another reason for not going camping.The Futureheads are playing tomorrow and I am going and dancing and singing at the top of my lungs.
Since I'm staying home this weekend I have a rather large to do list
Every once in awhile I go through a phase were I just cant listen to anything with lyrics, just
sounds and noises, the sounds of life. My mind is able to form thoughts with images.
Speaking of images tonight I'm going to brave Hollywood on a Friday night and go to
Anne Fishbein's opening. The show was recommended by Pervical Press, a small press here in LA that publishes some pretty amazing works of art, fiction, poetry, nonfiction books around.I often order books from them.
I was supposed to do some camping this weekend but forgot that I have my tax appointment tomorrow. Wonder if this year I will owe? For the last two years I have owed and I find this sad as I feel that I never have money in my accounts and am in debt (just a little) so how is that I owe, I don't make that much money.But I think I tricked them this year,I own a house now so that means I get a big deduction , right? I hope..Don't make me start popping out kids just for a tax break..Damn that bush.The funniest thing was last year I actually got money back then a few months back I got a letter from the IRS that said I didnt pay any Social Security, which I thought was odd since it's a huge deduction from my check they automatically take out of my paycheck each week.So when I called, they said it reflects on my record that I paid it but that I never checked the box correctly that I did pay it, even though my record shows I do pay it..So now I owe them..Damn that Bush.Somebody please explain this too me, not that tax experts are reading this.But maybe since I have mentioned taxes and IRS a few times in this post then somewhere out there in computer land a red flag is going up on a secret file with my name on it..Damn bush and the IRS, nuts to you..
Another reason for not going camping.The Futureheads are playing tomorrow and I am going and dancing and singing at the top of my lungs.
Since I'm staying home this weekend I have a rather large to do list
- send packages
- clean out last two boxes of camera equipment in studio
- drop off art to be framed
- finish and frame piece for "I-am-8-bit" show in a few weeks..yikes!, if you look hard on the site you can see a past show of mine as well.See all the pretty people who didn't even look at what was hanging on the walls.
- clear out garden for new plants..Yah! the sun is back
- call roofing and sewer guy
- buy hammock
- pile all things into package for M.
Sunday will be the day the I have to defend my title.The trophy is up, unless I can defend.The annual pot luck picnic and Bocce Ball/Croquet Tournament..My friends will once again bow in awe of my skills.The trophy will go home with me or else my hands will be cut off in shame
if only I could post photos for all to see my 15 minutes of glory, that I will forever look back upon as one of the greatest moments in my life..
The idea has been launched..I was asked if I would liked to include myself into a group show, to raise money, to pay for credit card bills of in debt artist (that would be me). First I must prove all my credit card bills were charged up buying supplies for my photo fix, then I must create a piece of art credit card size ,as many as I want as I have a pretty good size bill.Nothing can be sold for over 50 bucks.so that a lot to create if I actually want to pay off the bill..what do you think, should I do this? Part of me is feeling yeah, I should do this pay off my bill seems ideal at this moment ..then part of me feels , is this wrong to do sell stuff to pay my credit card..do I have to tell the people buying it what I use the money for? Is it a moral or ethical question even? Worse, can I even create good enough work that someone would buy it so I could pay off the work and also I need the credit card to buy the supplies to even start making the work, thus making more charges on it...does any of this even make sense..
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
The F. Word
This week I discovered that I am getting Showtime for a free trial period. I took this as a sign to see what I am missing and that I shouldnt look a gift horse in the mouth. Showtime is no HBO and that is all I have to say about that...
Also let's talk about The L word.
Ok first I will say that I have never watched any episode before this week.So I have no attachment to any of these characters.After one episode I can't figure out all the hoopla.Besides the fact that it is just boring and maybe it was just the episode i watched.Nothing happened, they all sat in a room talking about nothing interesting.I realize I have no idea what the dynamics are between charcaters but man oh man are they boring.Also come one people let's be honest here.Those ladies are way hot and I know a few hot Lesbians but a whole room at once, never have i witnessed this.And not only that they all looked like they smelled so nice.It seemed all they did was sit and drink and look pretty.I dont know if it was the writing or the directing or just that one episode (maybe I'll netflix season one). I watched it and the free showtime has ended, so now i can offically tell my neighbor who is on the show, I watched it and it won't be a lie anymore. The husband will now want her over for dinner more often.
I'm grumpy cause I am fasting.why ? I dont know I forgot.That is what happens when you fast and also when you have quit coffee cold turkey (5 cups a day to no cups a day)...you forget why you do certain things.
But I also realized, i really enjoy food and eating.
Also let's talk about The L word.
Ok first I will say that I have never watched any episode before this week.So I have no attachment to any of these characters.After one episode I can't figure out all the hoopla.Besides the fact that it is just boring and maybe it was just the episode i watched.Nothing happened, they all sat in a room talking about nothing interesting.I realize I have no idea what the dynamics are between charcaters but man oh man are they boring.Also come one people let's be honest here.Those ladies are way hot and I know a few hot Lesbians but a whole room at once, never have i witnessed this.And not only that they all looked like they smelled so nice.It seemed all they did was sit and drink and look pretty.I dont know if it was the writing or the directing or just that one episode (maybe I'll netflix season one). I watched it and the free showtime has ended, so now i can offically tell my neighbor who is on the show, I watched it and it won't be a lie anymore. The husband will now want her over for dinner more often.
I'm grumpy cause I am fasting.why ? I dont know I forgot.That is what happens when you fast and also when you have quit coffee cold turkey (5 cups a day to no cups a day)...you forget why you do certain things.
But I also realized, i really enjoy food and eating.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
I'm here to mix the nuns
I realized that if I do not attempt to write it down now, I will save it and then I end up with these long entries that jump around, not making any sense.But do they ever? I've also given up on trying to be cool and post pictures or figure out the links section.I just don't get it, I never have.
Listening to M.Ward wishing I lived in Portland so I could go to his show and swoon over his dreamy lyrics. Please buy all his albums and then we could call each other and sing over the phone....
a voice at the end of the line....le sigh
The count down begins till the holiday a much needed holiday with no one around and drinks with those umbrellas and snorkeling.Are you jealous or happy for me?
To prepare my mind and body for what is shaping up to be a long 5 months of photos and exhibitions and trying to figure out this thing called life. I have vowed to give up a few vices
Listening to M.Ward wishing I lived in Portland so I could go to his show and swoon over his dreamy lyrics. Please buy all his albums and then we could call each other and sing over the phone....
a voice at the end of the line....le sigh
The count down begins till the holiday a much needed holiday with no one around and drinks with those umbrellas and snorkeling.Are you jealous or happy for me?
To prepare my mind and body for what is shaping up to be a long 5 months of photos and exhibitions and trying to figure out this thing called life. I have vowed to give up a few vices
- sugar
- coffee or at least cut down from 5 cups to 1 cup of joe
- spending money on gadgets I use once ,then give up on cause they beep too much.
of course all this starts this week right when 6 boxes of girlscout cookies arrive.I start it all with a fast, I see all your eyes rolling even my own.Must be done, a good ald fashioned detox of all that sugar, meat and bad stuff clinging inside....oh grumpy days ahead.
Mom makes surprise visit in three weeks, she didn't think I would find out.It's not a surprise anymore.Yet another reason for that Holiday, one day with my mom.I worry too much about her.Horrific thought, what if one day she stumbled across this site and read this.She would so drive here and give me a good smack ,then she would tell me how awful I am and that I am a horrible daughter..which I am probably, she's convinced me of that,30 years old and still scared of my mom's venom tongue..geez!
All the coolest people sew, why can't I be cool.
Here is my question or thought or ramble.I got this email from a "new friend" not someone I know too well but we have a good email relationship as she lives far away.Anyway she ended it with saying , injest I am sure.
"I'm starting to like you, despite myself"
Now here is my thought on this comment.I am a paranoid person by nature I think.The thought that I instantly couldn't be liked by someone plagues me as I try hard to be friendly, sometimes too friendly and it's overkill..so although I am sure this was done in a funny way.I suddenly thought in a very Woody Allen way,"oh my god what did I do , did I say anything that might have offended her before,why is she just realizing I'm a good person too be friends with, am I that bad, did I sound to pretentious, do I annoy her, did I email too many times, am I too demanding,are my emails striking a tone, cause sometimes I joke and no one understands it's a joke and then I end up crossing lines.." and so on that was my thinking all whilst my hands are flapping about and I tap my foot at a rapid speed...all from one line..another horrific thought , what if she reads this and finds out just how neurotic I am..
I'm excited about seeing James Welling's images at regen projects this weekend, unless of course I go camping.
I'm trying to convince my friends that there is more to photographs then "just a bunch of pictures" and that there is more to them.what is it with people who just can not except that there are other forms of art besides paint.
Day was ruined upon discovering Nicole Kidman would be playing Diane Arbus in a movie..I would comment more on this but the shock of it is causing me to beat my head against the wall screaming no no no!
speaking of arbus, I just purchased from the gallery.Please arrive soon.
time to escape the velvet prison.
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