Fragile,Handle with Care

As of late,I've been in a fragile state of mind.
I don't know where or why.
I get up every morning and think,"what is going to be wrong today?"
Not really with me persay but with the world I suppose.
Seems like every where I look it's just falling,in a tailspin.
I think this might be what is unsettling me.
Example: remember when you were younger and you saw someone who was broken down in their car somewhere.It used to be that no one thought twice about helping out.If someone in a parking lot at the grocery store had the car hood up.You could walk over and say," are you ok, do you need help?" Now everyone thinks twice,three times or doesn't think at all.We keep walking,I'm guilty of it as well.I think is this a scam did they really run out of gas or are they scamming me? Don't make eye contact,don't make eye contact.
There's this man who stands on the corner near my house and with his sign he asks for money.He's quiet and wears a brace and people occasionally give him a buck or two.Once when I was in the corner store he came in and was buying some water.It was during a hot spell where the temp.reached 107 that day. I remember thinking ow crazy he was to be out there fully dressed.That even working people take sick days.his man walked in and said "Hey guy,let me buy you a beer"the guy said "no thanks, you can buy me this water if you want" the man looked at him with disgust ,it was shocking what he said next."No I'll buy you a beer,cause your homeless and I know you're just gonna spend your money on beer later anyway" I couldnt believe what i had heard...
what happened to manners with people.Why is it that every time I walk to the coffee shop most people just sit there and watch me struggle to open the door with my stroller.Then when i finally make it through I usually get one person saying "I was gonna get up to help you" well why the fuck didn't you?

yesterday was 9/11 ,why couldnt the Bush adminstration just let people be miserable and sad. Why did they take that day to "remind americans that we are at war and we are not safe"..Like we don't get that news thrown in our face every night by our local news..reminding us of all the murders on our own streets and rapist and pediphiles that work at our schools and our water is unsafe our malls are unsafe our mechanics are scamming us,tom cruise is crazy, old people die and a fire is ragging and now about the war in iraq,afganistan,isreal,lebenon, darfur,the war on aids,the war on obesity, the war on drugs, the war on oil,the war on poverty, the war on war.
Fear of fear.
Last weeks Newsweek, the new first grade.How kindergarten is now the new first grade.how 3/4 year olds are expected to read chapter books, do math and have homework everynight and get tested every 8 weeks to see if their behind.needing to repeat kindergarten.Where some schools cost more then most peoples average income.With all that homeowrk and testing when does a child have time to eat paste? No wonder the family is falling apart mom and dad both have to work two jobs to pay for all that education and extra tutoring so the child doesnt fall behind,they never get to see the kids.My daughter is 9 1/2 months she has 4 teeth and has discovered how to turn on the light switch and she prefers to eat the cat puzzle piece over the bird.She's pretty smart if you ask me.
To Do:
emergency kit for the house,the car,the office
earthquake kit for the house
safety box for important papers that is fire safe,watersafe.
extraabtteries,flashlights
stash secret getaway money in house in case emergency
what to do incase an earthquake,hurricane,tsunami,what if california becomes arizona bay? where do we go where do we meet who do we call? can we call? will cell phones be working?
I hate banks? I have to deal with the bank in regards to my small business loan.I hate paperwork that has a lot of little numbers on it.
Why is it so hard for people to believe that it's not about the money and I do enjoy the art.
last nigt i suffered.Up at 3:00am and could not sleep at all went to sleep around 5:00am and that was after watching a bad movie on TV while my house slept.Even the cats.I couldnt help but think..
Why does my mom make things so difficult
Where does all my money go
What happens to that man on the corner at night?
What will happen if my daughter grows up to soon?
Why did that book suck so much?
What happened to good TV shows like Family Ties and Silver Spoons?
Where is Ricky Schroeder?

The other day I decided to spend the whole day being super nice to everyone. When i passed people on the streets I said Hello,I made sure to hold open doors say please and thank you. Ask people how their day was, chit chat with strangers in cafe's.Drive safe and let peoplein, use my blinkers,wave,smile,laugh at jokes..
It's harder then you think especially when others do not,will not,wont do it back.
I ask everyone, give it a try be nice..this world needs nice people again.I need nice people again.